Update

So...It's been a really, really long time.

Three wonderful children. The tale of two cities with a law office in each. The same old loved and hated house. One crazy dog that lives in my bathroom. That is my life now. And - for the most part - I really, really like it.

The kids keep me busy....And I keep them on the go. With the start of a new running/walking group, life has become a little healthier. The kids are really growing up quite fast. The house is still pretty much the same, but with some improvements...and some more problems. But it has roses all around it just now. And I have my little Hannah Rose now. She is really a blessing. It's amazing how easy it is to go from two to three. You just don't stress out quite so badly about all of the things that you have to do with a baby. You've been through it twice before. Things just get easier. And you have alot more confidence in your parenting ability. And I think that's what it all comes down to - confidence.

I've found that stressing out about things doesn't pay. And anger is exhausting. I don't get angry in the car. Shoot - I'm just too happy to be getting out of the house. I don't get angry about messes in the house - unless it comes from the dog. And - outside of trying to figure out how to keep the multitudes of child-shaped neighborhood vagabonds out of my yard - I don't mind most people that I come into contact with. I think that I'm getting old.

Life is good, and I am happy. I don't bake bread any more - much to my husband's regret. I am cutting carbs and working out more. And...drum roll...I start a Zumba class next month. I can't wait!

So...there's my update for any poor soul that will read this.

Look at this.

I need a break...and solitude

In the middle of a thick, dense Southern forest, there is a little clearing where a snug cabin is surrounded by beautiful, fragrant flowers and a small yard of freshly cut grass. Above the cabin the sky is filled with stars that are not dimmed by light pollution. Huge moon flowers show their eery faces in the flower gardens and a whippoorwill and a bob white trade off their sad stories somewhere in the night. Inside the cabin a kerosene lamp illuminates a window and casts flickery shadows across the freshly scrubbed pine floors. A pot of water is boiling on the old cast iron stove and delicate china tea cups are set in readiness on the solid oak table. From the one large room into which you enter there are three smaller rooms. In one, my children lie asleep - freshly laundered and ironed white sheets pulled snugly around them. In the other, a gleaming metal bed is adorned with a handmade quilt, and a candle sits invitingly on a marble topped walnut dresser. An open window allows the thickly starched muslin curtains to flutter in the breeze. The third door opens into a small bathroom with a porcelain pedestal sink and a claw foot tub. My husband sits in his chair reading. He smiles and offers me a cup of tea as I enter throught the front door. There are no cell phones or major deadlines for the next few days. As I peep into the room where my oldest two children sleep, the baby stirs. I settle into a rocking chair with my baby in my arms. My husband starts to read the Torah to me, and I feel such peace that I know it must be Shabbat. All of the work is done and its time to bask in this moedim with HaShem. This is rest.

Lima beans and Sheep

Tonight I am craving huge lima beans cooked up with onions and a really thick broth...and some collard greens - or mustard greens...or even turnip greens with the white turnip pieces cooked up in them...with salt and chowchow. And some of my Mama's biscuits - with real butter and honey. And a hard day of work and play outside with a great thunderstorm that lasts only while you eat dinner.

Instead...I am settling for whole wheat cinnamon cake with a streusal topping and warmed milk with cinnamon and vanilla.

I love cinnamon. So comforting. And I love my babies...and my Mama's advice.

Just to hear my little boy say his memory verses...(we're not learning chapter and verse reference just yet)...

"With God all things are possible."

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart."

Tonight when he told his Daddy goodnight, and he said his verse for his Daddy he said, "Trust in the Lord, Daddy. With all your heart."

All day today he's been saying it like..."Trust in the Lord with all your - my - heart."

We've been talking about the story of Jonah and the big fish. And how you should obey God - no matter what He asks you to do. I told my boy that it's easier to obey when you trust God, because you know that whatever He asks you to do is for your good and His glory. (Okay - just a disclaimer - it probably won't make you rich, or cure you of a life threatening disease ...though it may. You definitely won't be loved by everyone around you, and you may not really want to do what He tells you to do. But the benefits to your soul - priceless. Talk about spiritual peace and rest.)

I hate stress. I like waking up before 6am so that I can see the first light of day. I love baking in my kitchen. I hate alternately worrying about people who cause me grief and then wanting to spank them with a ruler. I want a dinner bell and a husband who works just outside - plowing up the field on his tractor - while I keep a spotless house and a tasty cookie jar. I want a simple life. And a secluded life. And I just want to be a sheep BAA BAA BAA. I just want to be a sheep...BAA BAA BAA! Pray the Lord my soul to keep. I just want to be a sheep....I don't want to be a hypocrite because they're not hip with it. I just want to be a sheep....BAA! BAA! BAA!

Yeah, the stress is finally starting to get to me. I need to bake tomorrow...lemon sugar cookies, bagels, pizza dough...The possibilities are endless - until I run out of flour and yeast and sugar...and butter.

It's been forever...

SOOOOooooooo....

I am happy to announce that the Phreedom household will welcome our third little bundle of joy sometime in December. Yeah! My little boy - who turns three tomorrow - has already informed me that he needs a baby brother since he already has a baby sister. Sheesh...Either way - boy or girl - Mommy is ecstatic.

So, today is the last day that my son will ever be two years old. We are going out to the pool in our backyard. Tomorrow is a BIG day.

So much work to do today...BIG birthday celebration tomorrow...and tomorrow evening starts Shabbat. But...if I can get it all done today - and keep it done - then I get two days of rest. Sweet!

Hope we have tomatoes on the vine today...I have been waiting forever for them to finally turn red. Yummy tomatoe sandwiches with Duke's Mayo and homegrown tomatoes. Nothing better - almost...

Who among you fears the Lord and obeys the word of his servant? Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God. But now, all you who light fires and provide yourselves with flaming torches, go, walk in the light of your fires and of the torches you have set ablaze. This is what you shall receive from my hand: You will lie down in torment.
Isaiah 50:10-11


For the past 4 years, God has constantly been teaching me that I have to leave the blindfold on and just trust Him to lead me where He wants me to go. I just have to go with it. Just trust. It's a little hard for someone who is a completely goal-driven control-freak. But it's awesome. So much better than the plans I have for myself. And I realize that even when things are a little - or alot - hard.

Right now, it's just me and my two munchkins for at least 5 days a week. A little hard when my two year old tells me that he misses his daddy - with lip poked out about a mile, of course. Okay, it's been alot hard...this week the stomach bug visited my house. I think that Lysol stock just rose dramatically. Point is...when things all start coming together, it's awesome. It's kind of like watching someone put together a puzzle that you have no idea what it looks like...until you see the pieces coming together.

I am so tired, but can't sleep...again.

I think that mini blinds are like sensible shoes...I'm glad I have them sometimes, but I'm definitely not into how they look...And...I could throw them away and suffer without them. The problem - making my neighbors suffer with constant vision of me through my windows. Poor neighbors...

I have been contemplating pillows quite alot lately. I like them. Alot of them. Looking at tons of pillows just makes me feel more relaxed. I need a pillow collection. Soft, satiny, shiny, rosy pillows...

I am still sick. WHEN WILL IT END?!!! Either I or the kids have been sick for a month now. Hardly any relief...I need sleep and relaxation.

I think that I will book a trip to a tropical island soon - like never...Oh, well. No one on that tropical island deserves to see my big, white booty in a bathingsuit anyways...I think I am going to buy one of those one-pieces with a skirt...

I finally bit the bullet and did it. Everything is ready...if that lady will just give me permission to do what I want. It's crazy...but I did it. Now, we'll see if it works. Don't know what I'm writing about? Give me a call. I'll tell you.

I need a rainy day, and pearls, and some coffee in a near dead restaurant with eggplant and goat cheese...I need quiet and noise, loneliness and people...All at the same time. With something warm and wonderful and full of flavor...I'm hungry again...as usual.

I really love my children. Everytime that my little ones (and they both do this now) tell me that they love me, my heart just melts. It's really marvelous to put yourself on the back burner for two little beings who are as wonderful as my babies are. I love being a mommy...I don't know about being good at it, but it's finally wonderful to do something that I feel like I was always meant to do. They give me purpose.

When I go to the grocery store, and the bag boy looks like he's young enough to be my child...and I put on red lipstick for the express purpose of buying cans of green beans and cartons of milk...I know that I am old. Very, very old.

I want to lay out in the sun...Just to feel those warm rays baking my skin...I love laying out in the sun. I get to just sit around, and still feel that I am accomplishing something. I suddenly have this need in my life to always keep moving. It makes it very hard to relax sometimes. Actually, I guess I don't really relax anymore - at all. Even when the kids are asleep, I still listen out for them. Right now, I am listening to them breath in the next room. I am constantly tending little ones or cleaning. I should be relaxing - or at least sleeping - right now. But I don't feel relaxed. I feel as if there are so many things that I should be doing...I just can never get it all done... I think that this can't be solved by warm milk or - gasp!- even a bubble bath. I think I have morphed into a shark lady...Never- stop- moving- until- you -die-shark -lady...

I am soooooo cold. When did I become too old to hope for snow? I don't even remember. I can hope for spring still. That's a mercy.

Somedays, I just want to hang half upside down on the side of my bed and sing until my throat get tired, I run out of songs, and I feel dazed and relaxed. Sunshine go away today, I don't feel much like dancing...