My mind is too full for sleep. I am so tired. But I can't relax enough to go to sleep. The past few nights - after Hubby and Peanut were fast asleep - I took a nice, hot bubble bath and read. Ahhhhh.... Now that's relaxation. I read To Kill A Mockingbird. What a wonderful book! I was greatly impressed by the writing style as well as the subject content. And I just finished reading Johnny Tremain. That's a good book, too. I can't believe that I never read that before.

The only problem with staying up after everyone is asleep to read is that I haven't gone to bed before about 3am. When I have no other distractions, I usually can't put a book down until my eyelids refuse to stay open any longer. It's so nice to be able to read books of my own choosing again.

Speaking of reading...I have finally gotten the courage to accept the fact that God wants me to read the minor prophets. I don't know why I have wanted to put off studying these books. But being obedient to the Spirit's leading is really paying off. My time of studying God's Word has really been blessed. And God has blessed me with the time to do it. Time that I used to spend drinking coffee and eating toast. You know...A very wise man once told me "Vic, you can't give anything to God. He gave you everything that you have, so technically it's His anyways. You don't really have anything to give." What an awesome thing to think about.

I am seriously thinking about giving up the blog. My life is just so busy now. And the more I think about sitting down to type random things that expose the thoughts that I am not rude enough, or dramatic enough, or open enough to communicate verbally...It just sort of strikes me as weird. It is a great outlet to express my thoughts. Thoughts that I feel that good manners do not allow me to express fully in a society that totally disagrees with them...But my mind is too full and too tired to think about that tonight. To follow the example of Scarlett O'Hara, I'll think about that tomorrow...Because - after all - tomorrow is another day...

- Sometimes I wish that I could just shop on King Street and covet Jimmy Choos and quote Gone With the Wind just once more...

Thoughts on my new job.

So many things that I have learned...

I finally know what it feels like to be a servant...to serve those who you love. I finally know what it feels like to think that spit-up on a sweater is no big deal. To change a dirty diaper with the only thought of concern being how quickly you can clean a little bottom - not about how disgusted you are to do it. I know what it means to walk holding someone for hours as if they were weightless. I know what it feels like to sing until my throat is hoarse. I have learned that there are some expenses far more satisfying than new clothes and regular haircuts. I know how it feels to survive on restless, broken sleep because you wake up twenty times a night just to hear quiet breathing. I know what it feels like to fold the twenty-fifth cloth diaper of the day every day. I know what it feels like to play bodyguard over someone to protect them from the adoring masses at the grocery store. I can now say that I fill the role of personal chauffeur. And chef. And cupbearer...And jester...I know what it feels like to fill the hardest job I've ever attempted with the longest hours I have ever worked for the smallest pay that I've ever received.

But I now know what peace is when I watch him sleep. And I have received the biggest "thank you" that I've never heard when he smiles at me. And I know love like I've never felt before in my life. And I can say for certain now that God gives strength when you physically don't have strength to stand. And I know how it feels to have true, visible purpose attached to your life. I know what it feels like to have your heart almost burst with pride. I know what it feels like to want to protect someone from all of the evil and pain in the world. I know what it feels like to pray harder than I ever knew that I could for someone. I know what daily tears of thankfulness are.

I know what it feels like to be a mother...
And I know that these days must the be the happiest days of my life.

Autumn thoughts on an autumn day...

I decided to go visit my grandmother yesterday. And that was a good decision. I don't get to see her enough. And through no fault except my own. But, Peanut and I had a great visit.

And driving home...with Don Williams on repeat in the CD player...I realized that I really love this time of year and days like today. And it made me so glad. So...instead of an angry blog today, I decided instead to think about all of things that this season means to me.

So...here is my list.
This season means:
1.snuggling on the couch with Hubby on a cold evening.
2.chicken stew.
3.listening to stories about my grandmother's childhood and realizing just how lucky I am to have a grandmother to pray for me.
4.crying for no reason except that I have never, ever been this happy before in my life and my heart feels as if it were going to burst whenever I think about it-and I have always been pretty happy...
5.the mountains
6.raking leaves under the oak tree at my parent's house
7.roasting marshmallows with my family and friends
8.getting renewed urges to scrub everything in sight...(fall and spring, baby)
9.yellow wild flowers in the field next to my parent's home...and prayers of thankfulness that God is the Master Artist
10.hot chocolate and long, deep conversations with loved ones.
11.Christmas carols 2 months early
12.planning out my creation of a pumpkin spice cheesecake to make my pumpkin spice-obsessed hubby one of the happiest men on earth
13.day trips to 96,SC and the Middianite restaurant in Blackville
14.caramel apples
15.getting just as excited now as I was when I was 5 about wearing my cold weather clothes
16.USC FOOTBALL!!
17.dressing my little boy in snuggly feety pajamas
18.Don Williams
...and a million more memories...

But mostly it just reaffirms the feeling that I have always had that blood really is thicker than water. I think that Hubby is right - fall is a nostalgic time of year. And maybe that is the reason that I just feel closer to my family this time of year. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I am preparing my heart for Christmas...Or maybe this is just prime season to eat Mama's biscuits...But whatever the reason, fall always makes me thankful for the fact that my family is tight like the Southern mafia...just minus all of the crime...

My mama pulled down a box of my stuff from the attic last week...And in it was an essay that I wrote for my 5th grade English class about things that I was thankful for. And I guess I haven't changed all that much. Because my relationship with God tops the list...and then my family follows. And not just that I have a family...But that we can talk about anything with each other...and that we have stupid jokes that no one else can really appreciate...And that we care what the deep down feelings of each other really are...And that we not only have a family relationship, but also a real friendship. Soooo...this year I am as thankful as ever about having such an awesome, wonderful growing family. (It seems as if Hubby and Peanut have always been right there.)

But it don't really matter how far you go...
I can still hear the soft Southern winds in the live oak trees.
And those Williams boys still mean alot to me- Hank and Tennessee.
I guess we're all going to be what we're going to be.
So what do you do with good ol' girls like me?

Can I please just say that I LOVE being a wife and mother? I have the best Hubby and Baby in the entire universe!!!!

Last night I invented a dessert. Imagine that. And Hubby likes it! Yeah for me! I am calling it "Apple Cinnamon Cheesecake." But...Maybe I need a more creative name? Any suggestions?

I made cubed steak and mashed potatoes for supper last night. My mom asked me today how I was going to top that one for Hubby. So...I guess that I will make my own version of "Rice Planter's Chicken." (Yeah, I try to improve Yesterday's recipes...)

Peanut is asleep. Poor little boy...He is teething. And it hurts. And all he wants is for his mommy to hold him and cuddle him. And his mommy is happy to oblige. Peanut likes the color red - alot. So, I have started to wear more red - and I am going to try to keep my fingernails painted red. Peanut and Mommy spend alot of time singing lately.

I just praise God everyday. There is something so special about seeing Peanut's face light up in smiles when I sing "Into my heart...Into my heart. Come into my heart, Lord Jesus. In today. In to stay. Come into my heart, Lord Jesus." God is so good to my family!

I bought the cheesiest work-out video umpteen million years ago when I had money out the wazoo and a very demanding 60 hr work week plus school classes plus an obsession with running 30 miles a week...(There was no time for sleep. And I wanted to workout more, hence the video because the gym closed at midnight...) I watched it for literally 30 seconds before I decided that it was a piece of cheesy crap. Now I can't run or go to the gym. So, I did the cheesy thing and worked out "cardio salsa" style. And...it's actually kind of fun. Especially when Peanut is on the floor scooting around and staring at Mommy as if she were crazy...And I got to see him roll over!

I am such a blessed woman. God has just showered me with his joy and blessings. And sometimes I feel guilty...because I know that I don't deserve all of this. But I will just sit back and thank Him for it.

If that annoying dog keeps barking...My neighborhood might just have one less annoying dog.

I can't wait for my handsome hubby to come home! I hope to have his dinner hot on the table when he walks in. And I am going to mop the floor - for the second or third time this week. I really like the way bleach smells. And I will vacuum the carpet for the fifth time this week.

Music is blasting from Thug Mansion - as usual. It is interfering with Baby's nap. I would like to pop a cap in their dog's heinie.

Peanut rolled over today - and I saw it!!! I was so excited! He cried yesterday morning, and when I went to change him - he was on his back!!!And the same thing this morning! And then today, he was playing on the floor on his tummy...And he flipped over!!! He is growing up so fast! Everyday is more and more fun with him. I can't imagine life without him!

And - while he is still Mommy's little boy...He absolutely goes gaga for his Daddy. Saturday he was lovin' having his Daddy home. And he didn't want to go to sleep last night becausee he was playing with Daddy. I love to see them play together!

...And he loves applesauce! He has started grabbing the spoon when I feed him. It's really cute - and messy. He gets applesauce all over his hands, my hands, his face, my face, his shirt, my shirt...You get the point. Feeding him is definitely an adventure.

I have given up on reading This Side of Paradise. What a boring book...Maybe it's just that my real life is so interesting...Or maybe I am too pre-occupied to read. (Who would've thunk it!!) But I really wanted to spank the main character after the first 20 pages. And the feeling only got stronger. The writing style is so freaking boring. It's all about this weird guy named Amory who has a horrid childhood with a weird, selfish mother who allows him to get drunk at a very young age...And laughs about it...And he goes to a prep school...And he goes to Princeton...And he makes friends...And I flipped to the back of the book and I think that he kills someone...Or covers for someone who kills someone. Anyways, the book is stupid. At least - that is my opinion. But opinions are like...um...hairbrushes...Everyone has one.

The Dr.Phil house makes me want to roll in the floor and hold my sides while laughing so hard that I cry. What a bunch of fat, sloppy hicks! (Boy, aren't I love and sunshine today?) But did you see it? These people's relationship began as an affair. Did ya really think that she would be faithful to you, bubba? She cheated on her old man with you! She don't care about the sacredness of marriage vows! They don't mean crap to her! As long as someone wants her fat butt, she's going to take them up on it. And don't tell me you're upset, Bubba. Because you cheated on your old lady with her...and dated her knowing that she was a cheater. So stifle those crocodile tears and quit stalking her. Get on with life.

My baby is teething...Poor little boy! I guess that he took his Uncle's words of wisdom seriously - "Peanut, grow two teeth. Then I'll buy you a steak." Gettin' closer to chocolate cake every day!

I might have some nice neighbors...They just walked up yesterday to talk to me. While I was ranting about how loud my ghetto nation neighbors are behind me. They also agreed about the loudness, though. They live four houses away from Thug Mansion.

We went to a neighborhood picnic today...And I know why the phrase "good fences make good neighbors" is soooo true. Wow. They were talking about each other like crazy - even the ones who were there, too... It was a big waste of time, and not at all fun.
But there were two lesbos there who were hanging all over each other and kissing. I almost threw up. Thank goodness Peanut missed that sight.

I like fragment sentences. What a way to express oneself... To use a fragment.

I am tired. End of blog.