Who among you fears the Lord and obeys the word of his servant? Let him who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God. But now, all you who light fires and provide yourselves with flaming torches, go, walk in the light of your fires and of the torches you have set ablaze. This is what you shall receive from my hand: You will lie down in torment.
Isaiah 50:10-11


For the past 4 years, God has constantly been teaching me that I have to leave the blindfold on and just trust Him to lead me where He wants me to go. I just have to go with it. Just trust. It's a little hard for someone who is a completely goal-driven control-freak. But it's awesome. So much better than the plans I have for myself. And I realize that even when things are a little - or alot - hard.

Right now, it's just me and my two munchkins for at least 5 days a week. A little hard when my two year old tells me that he misses his daddy - with lip poked out about a mile, of course. Okay, it's been alot hard...this week the stomach bug visited my house. I think that Lysol stock just rose dramatically. Point is...when things all start coming together, it's awesome. It's kind of like watching someone put together a puzzle that you have no idea what it looks like...until you see the pieces coming together.

I am so tired, but can't sleep...again.

I think that mini blinds are like sensible shoes...I'm glad I have them sometimes, but I'm definitely not into how they look...And...I could throw them away and suffer without them. The problem - making my neighbors suffer with constant vision of me through my windows. Poor neighbors...

I have been contemplating pillows quite alot lately. I like them. Alot of them. Looking at tons of pillows just makes me feel more relaxed. I need a pillow collection. Soft, satiny, shiny, rosy pillows...

I am still sick. WHEN WILL IT END?!!! Either I or the kids have been sick for a month now. Hardly any relief...I need sleep and relaxation.

I think that I will book a trip to a tropical island soon - like never...Oh, well. No one on that tropical island deserves to see my big, white booty in a bathingsuit anyways...I think I am going to buy one of those one-pieces with a skirt...

I finally bit the bullet and did it. Everything is ready...if that lady will just give me permission to do what I want. It's crazy...but I did it. Now, we'll see if it works. Don't know what I'm writing about? Give me a call. I'll tell you.

I need a rainy day, and pearls, and some coffee in a near dead restaurant with eggplant and goat cheese...I need quiet and noise, loneliness and people...All at the same time. With something warm and wonderful and full of flavor...I'm hungry again...as usual.

I really love my children. Everytime that my little ones (and they both do this now) tell me that they love me, my heart just melts. It's really marvelous to put yourself on the back burner for two little beings who are as wonderful as my babies are. I love being a mommy...I don't know about being good at it, but it's finally wonderful to do something that I feel like I was always meant to do. They give me purpose.

When I go to the grocery store, and the bag boy looks like he's young enough to be my child...and I put on red lipstick for the express purpose of buying cans of green beans and cartons of milk...I know that I am old. Very, very old.

I want to lay out in the sun...Just to feel those warm rays baking my skin...I love laying out in the sun. I get to just sit around, and still feel that I am accomplishing something. I suddenly have this need in my life to always keep moving. It makes it very hard to relax sometimes. Actually, I guess I don't really relax anymore - at all. Even when the kids are asleep, I still listen out for them. Right now, I am listening to them breath in the next room. I am constantly tending little ones or cleaning. I should be relaxing - or at least sleeping - right now. But I don't feel relaxed. I feel as if there are so many things that I should be doing...I just can never get it all done... I think that this can't be solved by warm milk or - gasp!- even a bubble bath. I think I have morphed into a shark lady...Never- stop- moving- until- you -die-shark -lady...

I am soooooo cold. When did I become too old to hope for snow? I don't even remember. I can hope for spring still. That's a mercy.

Somedays, I just want to hang half upside down on the side of my bed and sing until my throat get tired, I run out of songs, and I feel dazed and relaxed. Sunshine go away today, I don't feel much like dancing...