I need a break...and solitude

In the middle of a thick, dense Southern forest, there is a little clearing where a snug cabin is surrounded by beautiful, fragrant flowers and a small yard of freshly cut grass. Above the cabin the sky is filled with stars that are not dimmed by light pollution. Huge moon flowers show their eery faces in the flower gardens and a whippoorwill and a bob white trade off their sad stories somewhere in the night. Inside the cabin a kerosene lamp illuminates a window and casts flickery shadows across the freshly scrubbed pine floors. A pot of water is boiling on the old cast iron stove and delicate china tea cups are set in readiness on the solid oak table. From the one large room into which you enter there are three smaller rooms. In one, my children lie asleep - freshly laundered and ironed white sheets pulled snugly around them. In the other, a gleaming metal bed is adorned with a handmade quilt, and a candle sits invitingly on a marble topped walnut dresser. An open window allows the thickly starched muslin curtains to flutter in the breeze. The third door opens into a small bathroom with a porcelain pedestal sink and a claw foot tub. My husband sits in his chair reading. He smiles and offers me a cup of tea as I enter throught the front door. There are no cell phones or major deadlines for the next few days. As I peep into the room where my oldest two children sleep, the baby stirs. I settle into a rocking chair with my baby in my arms. My husband starts to read the Torah to me, and I feel such peace that I know it must be Shabbat. All of the work is done and its time to bask in this moedim with HaShem. This is rest.

Lima beans and Sheep

Tonight I am craving huge lima beans cooked up with onions and a really thick broth...and some collard greens - or mustard greens...or even turnip greens with the white turnip pieces cooked up in them...with salt and chowchow. And some of my Mama's biscuits - with real butter and honey. And a hard day of work and play outside with a great thunderstorm that lasts only while you eat dinner.

Instead...I am settling for whole wheat cinnamon cake with a streusal topping and warmed milk with cinnamon and vanilla.

I love cinnamon. So comforting. And I love my babies...and my Mama's advice.

Just to hear my little boy say his memory verses...(we're not learning chapter and verse reference just yet)...

"With God all things are possible."

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart."

Tonight when he told his Daddy goodnight, and he said his verse for his Daddy he said, "Trust in the Lord, Daddy. With all your heart."

All day today he's been saying it like..."Trust in the Lord with all your - my - heart."

We've been talking about the story of Jonah and the big fish. And how you should obey God - no matter what He asks you to do. I told my boy that it's easier to obey when you trust God, because you know that whatever He asks you to do is for your good and His glory. (Okay - just a disclaimer - it probably won't make you rich, or cure you of a life threatening disease ...though it may. You definitely won't be loved by everyone around you, and you may not really want to do what He tells you to do. But the benefits to your soul - priceless. Talk about spiritual peace and rest.)

I hate stress. I like waking up before 6am so that I can see the first light of day. I love baking in my kitchen. I hate alternately worrying about people who cause me grief and then wanting to spank them with a ruler. I want a dinner bell and a husband who works just outside - plowing up the field on his tractor - while I keep a spotless house and a tasty cookie jar. I want a simple life. And a secluded life. And I just want to be a sheep BAA BAA BAA. I just want to be a sheep...BAA BAA BAA! Pray the Lord my soul to keep. I just want to be a sheep....I don't want to be a hypocrite because they're not hip with it. I just want to be a sheep....BAA! BAA! BAA!

Yeah, the stress is finally starting to get to me. I need to bake tomorrow...lemon sugar cookies, bagels, pizza dough...The possibilities are endless - until I run out of flour and yeast and sugar...and butter.