I have a dream...

I have a dream that one day there will exist a place where no one will ever be sick on Christmas. In this place there will be at least one hairdresser who knows how to cut thick, curly hair...and who doesn't say things like, " You pretty girl. You have face. Hair no matter." or "hair poofy. Poofy hair..." In this place there will be a pretty pink tablet that causes my hair to grow an inch a day and my fat to melt away over night. Chips and snicker bars will be healthfood. I will be able to run five miles a day...and spend at least an hour a day tanning myself under a bright, beautiful sunny sky.

My little boy and I worked out a pretty sweet little deal. He is going to take dance lessons with me...and I will teach him to drive on the way to the lesson. And then we will gorge ourselves on icecream and cotton candy before we go home. How much fun is that going to be someday!!!!

And....I promised my little girl that she will get a beautiful corsage of tiny pink roses every year on her birthday...and a gorgeous new pink dress...and we will wear crazy hats and go have tea somewhere very elegant and relaxing. Of course, once she is older...she and I will go get a manicure and a pedicure...and we wouldn't dream of not starting our morning off with a crisp, refreshing run. And that night we will snuggle up in warm blankets while we wear pretty nightgowns and drink hot chocolate...and we will watch Gone With the Wind and talk about all the wonderful things that happened the year that just passed...and we will dream about all of the wonderful things that are going to happen in the year to come.

Hello. You are listening to Mexican radio - curtesy of the neighbors in the apartment below.

Crepe makers are wonderful things...and a Hubby that makes crepes...It's a wonderful life.

I feel so old. All I want to do is sleep...and - well - sleep. I had a wonderful dream the other night that I was young again. And I was going out to lunch and go shopping with Clinton Kelly from What Not to Wear...and I had to buy a new outfit so that I would look chic enough to have lunch with Clinton Kelly. Wouldn't it be nice to feel young, chic, and well-rested? And a little less violent than I have been feeling lately?

Hello, darkness my old friend...Darkness is only my friend when I want coffee, or want to brood over philosophical issues, or government conspiracies...And darkness has always been the perfect catalyst to change me into a chatterbox. (The next time that anyone who reads this blog sees me, I will be greeted with bright lights and ear muffs...) But I am sick of darkness. I want sunlight.

The mariachi band next door is louder than my thoughts...I wish I knew Spanish so that I could tell them exactly what I think about them. I would like to stuff a soccer ball up their heinies.

I wonder how the musical Mexicans below me would feel if they knew who lived above them...The old, crazy catlady...with the grey sweatpants and the huge collection of glass miniature kitties...Someday I am going to take my glass kitty collection to the vet...

Great...their little brat must be as sick of the music as I am. Shut up the radio and the squalling kid. Gotta love livin' in the ATL.

Oh if I just wasn't a lady what wouldn't I say! And if I only knew Spanish...or just a few Spanish cursewords...

I have a confession...

I have always wanted to know - since I have been 5 years old - if I could really hitch a ride just by showing a little leg.

I often wish that I could watch old monster movies and eat myriads of wild food combinations until I could no longer hold my eyes open...and I wouldn't wash my ice cream dish until morning.

I wish that I could tap dance on a pier.

I like long conversations about government conspiracies.

I almost punched the girl hogging the treadmill today. If you want a place to stand and watch Spanish soap operas, go back to your apartment. Either run or get off the treadmill...

My dream car is a 60's or 70's monster car...or a big bubba truck. Okay, fine...I would settle for a tractor, too.

I would love to take a trip with no destination and no scheduled itinerary.

Thank goodness for early Christmas presents!!! Yes, this year Santa brought me three warm spring-like days. I love warm winter days!!

I have found that organization is absolutely key to my survival. I want to be able to put my hand on anything in my house in 30 seconds or less. I want to be on a rigid schedule. I want - sigh - order in my life.

I started running again this week. Such a wonderful way to escape stress...Yet, somehow I still feel like buying a big yellow sweatsuit and answering to "Goodyear."That's only on the days that I don't dream about wearing grey sweatpants and counting my miniature kitty collection...I'm allergic to the real thing...

Playing with my little boy is SO MUCH FUN!!! I can't wait until he can laugh with me at the bad little children getting in trouble at the park...Wait - we can't laugh at bad children getting in trouble at the park. Bad children don't get in trouble...because they don't have any adult watching them misbehave. But I wish they did...for many reasons. Does it make me an awful person that I think brats in time out are the most amusing things in the universe? I have the hardest time not laughing at temper tantrums.

I almost got hit by a non-English understanding or speaking person in the parking lot today. I almost chased after their car. They better be glad I didn't. That's all I have to say about that.

Some weird things I do for fun...balance the checkbook, scrub my kitchen, mop my floors- my son and I often fight over who gets the privilege of this task-, observe the non-English-speaking-or-understanding people that live around me, Windex everything that can be Windexed in my apartment. These are the things that I do when I have time to myself. Oh, yeah - one thing I forgot...I like to waste time writing weird blogs. Time to get back to work...

Some things I don't understand...

1.Why people don't use the word "splendid" anymore...or did they ever use it outside of the movies?

2.Why South Carolina is the best darnded state in the whole union - I just know it is.

3.Why people use curse words. I have come to realize just how tacky that really is.

4.Why my spring fever starts earlier and earlier every year.

5.Why cleaning is so much fun sometimes...and so stressful other times.

6.Why I didn't inherit my mother's ability to make everything she cooks taste really wonderful.

7.Why no one will nominate me to go on What Not To Wear. I would make a perfect candidate...and a $5000 visa card for shopping would be absolutely...SPLENDID!!!!

8.Why so many people live in this town. What do they see in it?

9.How red lipstick can change your whole mood. Add some high heels and sunshine, and you have a wonderful day.

10.Why I haven't been to the beach in 3 years.

11.How drinking hot chocolate makes me feel like a kid again.

12.How HGTV can never get old for me and Hubby.

And...I will NEVER understand how God can love me so much...or why He has chosen to just absolutely rain down blessings on my family like He has. Any time I feel like complaining...or feel down...I just look down at my babies, and I know that the good things in my life drastically outweigh any hardships. I love my life...and wouldn't change a thing.