It is so dark in this apartment. You never realize just how isolated you are from any sunlight until you only have windows on one side of your dwelling place. Kind of like a grave. So...today, on this dark and dreary day, I am going to stay jacked up on caffeine, daydreams, and hard work.

So...for the caffeine. I have a wonderful cup of vanilla nut coffee. Yum. And I drank my coffee while watching Curious George with my little boy...and rocking my sweet little princess asleep in my arms. This is definitely the life.

AND... for the daydreams...Just to preface this - I know that I am odd. Not rich enough by any means to be eccentric...but just odd. But...I am not so sure that being odd is a bad thing. The times when I have tried to cover up my oddity and really care about what people thought about me - let's just say that those times are some of my most embarrasing moments. Full of awkwardness. So uncomfortable. I am just me. And - on most days - I like me. Sometimes...

So...now that that's over...I am daydreaming about the years to come with my children...And, though I know that it's a near impossibility where I now live...I would love to have at least an acre of land. With a cute, rustic playhouse that resembles a colonial shelter. And Bear and Princess would have their own little colonial outfits...knee breeches, a chemise, and a waistcoat for Bear. Petticoats, a chemise, a waistcoat, a modesty clothe, and a bonnet for Princess. And - with the omission of certain impracticle things, like an outhouse and a fire - my children could take the opportunity to experience history first hand. On their own terms. With no pressure. Just a game. I would love for them to pick a crop - say corn - and plant a few rows. (I would help, of course.) But...I would also find some service or good to trade for the fruit of their labors. This would give them some idea of the colonial economy. (Without the taxes - of course.) And it would teach them how to barter. A very useful tool even in today's society. It would teach them the meaning of hard work. And it would make the people in the history books - and their family tree - seem a little more real. They would realize, in a very oblique way, the brevity of human life. And that our passing to make way for posterity is just a natural transition. God has a bigger plan for us. This life is just a part of that. It's not even a fraction of the whole picture - it's just the small little part that we can somewhat understand. The people who lived their earthly lives in 1770 had the same dreams, aspirations, and emotions that all of us experience today. They did really live. And they were afraid of death and the unknown - just read some of their diaries. They considered themselves modern just as we now consider ourselves modern. And someday - like it or not - we will, too, be just another spot on our great-grandchildren's family tree. I think that the realization of this shoots humanism to pieces. It makes the necessity of a childlike faith in the providence of God absolutely necessary for survival.

All right - now for the hard work part of my day. Scrub, scrub, scrub....

This weekend was such a weird weekend...Hubby and I found a church to go to...and they meet on Saturdays - which is a little weird for me. So, this Saturday morning, I woke up at 6:30 and got breakfast - or Hubby made breakfast- and then got myself dressed...and the kids dressed...and a lunch packed for Oneg after the service...Then it was off to Shabbot services. Then came the crazy hunt for a new place to live. Wow. Sunday started off with biscuits and coffee. I really look forward to Sunday mornings with Hubby and the kids. And...here comes the Darth Vader music...then there was a haircut for me. I really need to buy a wig.

It is so cute to watch my two little bear cubs play with each other. I love it. Bear loves for Princess to get into her exersaucer - can you believe my little angel is big enough to play in an exersaucer?! Bear constantly looks at his little sister and says, "Hey, Baby!" or he sings her a song...or he talks to her about things that only the two of them can understand. And she just smiles at him and grabs his hand...or his hair. He never minds. He dances to amuse her. And she smiles in approval.

I was going to break out of sing-sing today...but the kids are having so much fun just running around the apartment. Maybe tomorrow would be better. I'll just finish all of my housework today. I love it when the apartment is clean and everything is in it's place. And I hate grammar - but you could have guessed that. .

Now...if only I could have a trailer on fifty acres of South Carolina soil...and some weave and a pair of Jimmy Choos. Wouldn't life be grand?

The kids and I busted out of sing sing today...I waited until the warden went to work...then I bribed my two adorable little jailers with the promise of fresh air and new sights...then, we just waltzed out of the place like we owned it...

We went to the mall...and I found that I could really spend alot of money if I ever won the lottery. And I also found out how old I am. Really old. Older than my years. But I still like cute clothes and shoes - even if I do wear mom jeans and tennis shoes. Forever 21 has really cute clothes with really inexpensive price tags. And there were some really adorable things in Carters today....but while we are window shopping - let's talk about Strasbourg children...Wow. I think that I kind of like this store called Urban Behavior. So cute.

I think that I want to buy the shirt that says "Buy me a drink." I think that I will buy that and wear it on a really hot day when I am really thirsty and...maybe someone would take pity on the fact that I was stupid enough to waste my money on a t-shirt, so they would buy me a huge icy lemonade or a nice cold coke...in one of those neat little cups at the zoo where the straw comes out of the animals head...which is a whole lot better than the straw coming out of the animals butt because that would just be gross...

Despite what things seem...I AM NOT a soccer mom. Nor will I ever be. Yes, instead of going for a nice long run outside I took a power walk in the mall. Yes, I wear my mom jeans on my huge heinie with pride. Yes, I have a I-don't-have-time-for-my-hair haircutt. And, yes, I quit caring if I was trendy a long time ago...BUT - get this - I listen to Metallica...and I sing to Metallica...and my son sings with me. So there.

Thank goodness that sickness has left the apartment...My little boy got hit with strep throat and then the flu. Now, I am happy to say, he is back to standards and up and running...And I am exhausted...Have you ever tried to tame a wild bear? If you had, you would know why I am so tired all the time...