Just when you think things are settling down....the winds of change come blowing in again. Don't know what's going on yet - but I can smell change in the air.

Mr. and Mrs. Phreedom's blogs are still alive and well...but their internet connection is not.

My little boy just turned 2!!! Wow!!! I can't believe it!!! He's talking up a storm...absolutely loves Veggie Tales...and runs for about thirty minutes at a time. His sister is crawling on all fours...smiling to show her pretty little teeth - and then hiding them with her tongue when she realizes that they can be seen...and is trying to say "Mama." She is a Mama's girl...and we are planning a huge shopping trip to King Street very, very soon. We need a girl's weekend - and, of course, her brother needs to go along to protect his Mommy and sister. And we need to eat Ben and Jerry's on the market until we have ice cream coming out of our ears and dreds coming out of our heads.

I am learning that perfection is not found in the details, but in actually living life. It's still hard to remember that sometimes...when I've mopped the hardwood floors and there are smudge marks 3 seconds later...when dinner doesn't turn out like I've planned...when my little boy helps me pick up all of his toys, and then dumps the toy basket immediately after. But I really feel that this is as close to perfection as I'm going to get on this earth. My family is perfect. I'm really not trying to brag - too hard, at least - but I'm just so glad for the blessings that God has given me. I think that I am learning lessons in contentment and joy that I could never learn while my focus was on material wealth and transient happiness. Focusing on the good things that God has given me - and He has given me WONDERFUL, MAGNIFICENT, MARVELOUS things - and striving - alright, struggling - to live in a constant state of prayer and thanksgiving is absolutely the way that God wants us to live. I am learning, very slowly learning, to live in a constant state of trust.

So...if you want to know what's been going on with me lately...This sums it up -

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths." Proverbs 3:3-5

Without getting caught up in all of the "good thing to say" sentiment...PRAISE GOD!

Favorite Quotes...

Gaily bedight
A gallant knight,
In sunshine and in shadow,
Had journeyed long,
Singing a song
In search of Eldorado.

But he grew old,
This knight so bold
And o'er his heart a shadow
Fell as he found
No spot of ground
That looked like Eldorado.

And, as his strength,
Failed him at length
He met a pilgrim shadow
"Shadow,"said he,
"Where can it be
This land of Eldorado?"

"Over the mountains
Of the moon,
Over the Valley of the Shadow.
Ride, boldly ride,"
The shadow replied
"If you seek for Eldorado."

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.

The only way to preserve your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

Twenty years from now you will be more dissapointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones that you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

-Mark Twain

For attractive lips,
Speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes,
Seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure,
Share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair,
Let a child run his/her fingers through it once a day.
For poise,
Walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.
People, even more than things,
Have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed,
And redeemed; never throw out anyone.
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
You will find one at the end of each of your arms.
As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands;
One for helping yourself, and the other for helping others.
-Audrey Hepburn

So...you would think that I would be used to packing up boxes by now. This is the fifth move in three years. Uuggghhhhhhh!!!! Only this move is different...I now have two little bear cubs - and all their toys - to prepare for the move. My son is definitely fine with moving. Everytime I tell him that he is moving to a house with a slide and a swing in the backyard, he smiles and says, "Slide!" Sometimes he even claps.

Lately I have been working on my attitude. I set up glasses with water in them and think, "half-full...half-full...not half-empty...half-full..." Ever the cynic, I am having a little trouble with this. I am trying, though...really trying. I'm not going to think about how dirty the house is now...about how much I am going to have to clean it before we move in. I am not going to think about all of the boxes that I have to pack, then unpack. I am not going to think about how weird a big, empty house can feel. I am going to think about how I am not going to have to contend with neighbors who eat food that smells as if it only belongs in the toliet. I am going to think about how my clothes will actually smell like detergent when I pull them out of the dryer instead of stinky rotten meat. I am going to think about how nice it will be to work on my tan when the babies are outside in a little swimming pool.(With me right there with them, of course.) I am going to think about how nice it will be when I can do the grocery shopping again - thanks to the absence of two flights of stairs and a crowded parking lot. And I am going to think about how a library will be close again! Yeah for books! Yeah for Clifford the dog coming to visit the library in May!!!

I dreamed last night that I was nominated for "How Do I Look?" - which I have already decided that I would rather be on "What Not to Wear"...Anyway...I was trying to be upset when people threw away my old clothes and criticized my dress, but I could hardly contain and mask my excitement at the thought of a makeover. It is pretty bad when I thought that the woman with the 6 month old baby on "Ten Years Younger" looked great compared to me.

I think that the important thing for me to remember is that I need to enjoy each and every second of my life. It doesn't matter how old and tired I feel. It doesn't matter if I cringe every time that I look in a mirror or step on the scales. It doesn't matter that I haven't a clue as to how to style my hair because I haven't done it in so long. It doesn't matter if I am always behind on my housework or if dinner burns every night because I have to change diapers and chase down babies in the middle of cooking it. These are happy times. I realize that when I look in my babies' faces. When I can finally let go and let myself play with them...things are great. When they are grown and gone, I'll have a wonderfully immaculate, beautifully decorated house...and I'll be the cleanest - can you believe I'll shower everyday, sometimes 3 times a day?!! - best groomed, ultra -toned woman you ever did see. And I know that I will feel as if a piece of me is missing. I don't want to miss this time to be close to my children...to get to know them...to watch them grow up. God has really blessed me by allowing me to be the primary care giver for my children. I am so thankful for the fact that I don't have to drop them off anywhere for another woman to watch them take their first steps or teach them how to use the potty...This is a blessing. This may not be the life for everyone, but it is for me. And I am going to enjoy every second of it.

So - just a little update.

I recently had to get a new cell phone...and due to bear saliva in the phone, they could not transfer my numbers...All this to say - if you read this and your number was in my phone, give me a call.

We finally found a house to rent. It seems to be pretty nice...but lately I have been a little off on my estimation of what "nice" is. It is not an apartment. That's definitely a good thing. We thought that we would be safer just moving into a gated complex when we first moved here since we didn't know what areas of town were the preferred areas...Hah! The gates only keep people trapped in the complex - they don't keep people out...unless you honestly live there. Then they are a pain in the hunkus. I am going to have to get used to cleaning a big space again...But it does have a back yard. It's almost a whole acre...and they told us that deer occassionally come into the back yard, too. Can you tell that that excites me? It has a wooden playset - which excited my little boy greatly. (I could tell by the way he started shouting "slide!" and clapping his hands when he saw it...) And...everybody has a their own bedroom with one still left over. Nice. And we are not buying - though we might have the option later on - so, if we hate the area and the house, we ain't stuck with it. The town that we are moving to is small...and the mountains of North Georgia are in view.

We have found a church that we like. That's a first for me in the last ten years of my life. So far, I have greatly appreciated the absence of the "doctrines of men." The people are genuinely friendly. And there are no sermons on "tithe"..."church membership"..."love"..."happiness" or anyother "feel good" topic under the sun that some preachers like to build a sermon about from bits and pieces of verses in whatever translation best fits what they feel should be said. The Word of God is read. And then it is accepted. No choosing which verses are more important...No more thinking that God changed His mind after He gave a commandment. No more thinking..."Where did it say that in the Bible? Was that the Bible or Paradise Lost? Oh, well, just got to take it on faith."

The kids are doing GREAT!! My little boy has developed a love for pickles and chocolate ice cream. Sooooo goooood!!!!! My little princess is eating her veggies and fruits, rolling over, and doing her best to start crawling. I can't believe how fast they grow up. I had a wonderful dream last night that Princess and I took a girl's weekend to Charleston for shopping and the beach. It was so much fun...and she was such a grown-up, beautiful young lady. It made me a little sad to think of her growing up, but it also showed me that time will only bring more good things for me and my little brood.

And then there is pessimistic little me...just wondering when the bad stuff will happen...I'm probably going to find out that the house is haunted, one of us will get sick on the moving weekend, and the church that we are going to will suddenly get a case of pretentious-holier-than-thou-itis. But, you know what? I am just going to wait until it happens. Nothing like that ever really takes me by surprise. Right now, I am just going to be happy - despite that thought that alot of people that I care about are about 4 hours away...At least they are only 4 hours away. God has blessed me ALOT. And I just want to enjoy His blessings.

Only a quarter of the new year has gone by...Wow. And already so much has happened. We found a church to worship in...we have started to meet people...I have learned my way around to the grocery store, shopping...and we have found a house to possibly rent. So, why do I still feel sick when I read reviews written by Yankees who have moved to my hometown? I was trying to compare the rating that this website gave to Sugar Hill (where we might possibly want to live) and Lexington...and, of course, they had a place for people to write reviews...I had to read it. This Yankee from Colorado wrote in to say that either you got used to the accents and the people or you just hated them. Please! And then she said how much she loved all of the culture of the Low Country...and her air conditioner...and "the blacks" were nice - right after she called the locals a bunch of prejudiced bigots. Maybe I'm a little silly, but that just made me plain mad.

Somedays I am sooooooo homesick that I could die. Soooooo homesick....soooooo homesick. South Carolina air just is so much sweeter and so much easier to breath. The roads feel better under my tires. The sun shines a little brighter. The birds sing a little more. And it's changing so much that when I go back home finally - if I ever do - it won't even feel like the same place. People are moving in and changing everything...and then I have to think, aren't I doing kind of the same thing here? I've moved here...but I don't care to change anything. I just want a little piece of land to make something grow in and a place to play with my children.

I just want to cry some days. Instead, I pray. And pray. And pray. And after 7 months of praying...God is still telling me that I need to stay here for the present. I don't believe in a "secular" portion of my life. My whole life is the Lord's. And nothing happens without a reason. Even if I never know what that reason is...He does. I am His child. He knows what is best. And I praise Him that He has put me where He wants - even if it is not where I necessarily would choose to be. If this is where He wants me, this is where I want to be. I surrender.

God is teaching me so much. I can see how His plan for me is unfolding. My family will not celebrate Easter this year. Now before you brand me a heretic...let me ask you...what is better? Is it better to confuse my children by teaching them that a bunny and an egg from a Celtic fertility ritual held at this time of year is a Christian symbol of "new life" that we use to celebrate the resurrection of Christ...even if the dates of the Passover (the whole reason for the Last Supper) don't coincide with the dates for Easter? or does it make more sense to celebrate the Passover...and the completion of the Passover - Christ's blood protecting us from death. Christ was the perfect sacrifice. He commanded us to remember His death. Long before Christ came to earth, God commanded His people to celebrate the Passover. Christ celebrated the Passover during His life on earth. Please tell me why the church in general doesn't celebrate the Passover...or why they celebrate it only partially?

All right...more on this later - most likely...It's time to chase my kids around this tiny apartment.

It is so dark in this apartment. You never realize just how isolated you are from any sunlight until you only have windows on one side of your dwelling place. Kind of like a grave. So...today, on this dark and dreary day, I am going to stay jacked up on caffeine, daydreams, and hard work.

So...for the caffeine. I have a wonderful cup of vanilla nut coffee. Yum. And I drank my coffee while watching Curious George with my little boy...and rocking my sweet little princess asleep in my arms. This is definitely the life.

AND... for the daydreams...Just to preface this - I know that I am odd. Not rich enough by any means to be eccentric...but just odd. But...I am not so sure that being odd is a bad thing. The times when I have tried to cover up my oddity and really care about what people thought about me - let's just say that those times are some of my most embarrasing moments. Full of awkwardness. So uncomfortable. I am just me. And - on most days - I like me. Sometimes...

So...now that that's over...I am daydreaming about the years to come with my children...And, though I know that it's a near impossibility where I now live...I would love to have at least an acre of land. With a cute, rustic playhouse that resembles a colonial shelter. And Bear and Princess would have their own little colonial outfits...knee breeches, a chemise, and a waistcoat for Bear. Petticoats, a chemise, a waistcoat, a modesty clothe, and a bonnet for Princess. And - with the omission of certain impracticle things, like an outhouse and a fire - my children could take the opportunity to experience history first hand. On their own terms. With no pressure. Just a game. I would love for them to pick a crop - say corn - and plant a few rows. (I would help, of course.) But...I would also find some service or good to trade for the fruit of their labors. This would give them some idea of the colonial economy. (Without the taxes - of course.) And it would teach them how to barter. A very useful tool even in today's society. It would teach them the meaning of hard work. And it would make the people in the history books - and their family tree - seem a little more real. They would realize, in a very oblique way, the brevity of human life. And that our passing to make way for posterity is just a natural transition. God has a bigger plan for us. This life is just a part of that. It's not even a fraction of the whole picture - it's just the small little part that we can somewhat understand. The people who lived their earthly lives in 1770 had the same dreams, aspirations, and emotions that all of us experience today. They did really live. And they were afraid of death and the unknown - just read some of their diaries. They considered themselves modern just as we now consider ourselves modern. And someday - like it or not - we will, too, be just another spot on our great-grandchildren's family tree. I think that the realization of this shoots humanism to pieces. It makes the necessity of a childlike faith in the providence of God absolutely necessary for survival.

All right - now for the hard work part of my day. Scrub, scrub, scrub....

This weekend was such a weird weekend...Hubby and I found a church to go to...and they meet on Saturdays - which is a little weird for me. So, this Saturday morning, I woke up at 6:30 and got breakfast - or Hubby made breakfast- and then got myself dressed...and the kids dressed...and a lunch packed for Oneg after the service...Then it was off to Shabbot services. Then came the crazy hunt for a new place to live. Wow. Sunday started off with biscuits and coffee. I really look forward to Sunday mornings with Hubby and the kids. And...here comes the Darth Vader music...then there was a haircut for me. I really need to buy a wig.

It is so cute to watch my two little bear cubs play with each other. I love it. Bear loves for Princess to get into her exersaucer - can you believe my little angel is big enough to play in an exersaucer?! Bear constantly looks at his little sister and says, "Hey, Baby!" or he sings her a song...or he talks to her about things that only the two of them can understand. And she just smiles at him and grabs his hand...or his hair. He never minds. He dances to amuse her. And she smiles in approval.

I was going to break out of sing-sing today...but the kids are having so much fun just running around the apartment. Maybe tomorrow would be better. I'll just finish all of my housework today. I love it when the apartment is clean and everything is in it's place. And I hate grammar - but you could have guessed that. .

Now...if only I could have a trailer on fifty acres of South Carolina soil...and some weave and a pair of Jimmy Choos. Wouldn't life be grand?

The kids and I busted out of sing sing today...I waited until the warden went to work...then I bribed my two adorable little jailers with the promise of fresh air and new sights...then, we just waltzed out of the place like we owned it...

We went to the mall...and I found that I could really spend alot of money if I ever won the lottery. And I also found out how old I am. Really old. Older than my years. But I still like cute clothes and shoes - even if I do wear mom jeans and tennis shoes. Forever 21 has really cute clothes with really inexpensive price tags. And there were some really adorable things in Carters today....but while we are window shopping - let's talk about Strasbourg children...Wow. I think that I kind of like this store called Urban Behavior. So cute.

I think that I want to buy the shirt that says "Buy me a drink." I think that I will buy that and wear it on a really hot day when I am really thirsty and...maybe someone would take pity on the fact that I was stupid enough to waste my money on a t-shirt, so they would buy me a huge icy lemonade or a nice cold coke...in one of those neat little cups at the zoo where the straw comes out of the animals head...which is a whole lot better than the straw coming out of the animals butt because that would just be gross...

Despite what things seem...I AM NOT a soccer mom. Nor will I ever be. Yes, instead of going for a nice long run outside I took a power walk in the mall. Yes, I wear my mom jeans on my huge heinie with pride. Yes, I have a I-don't-have-time-for-my-hair haircutt. And, yes, I quit caring if I was trendy a long time ago...BUT - get this - I listen to Metallica...and I sing to Metallica...and my son sings with me. So there.

Thank goodness that sickness has left the apartment...My little boy got hit with strep throat and then the flu. Now, I am happy to say, he is back to standards and up and running...And I am exhausted...Have you ever tried to tame a wild bear? If you had, you would know why I am so tired all the time...

My favorite cartoon quote EVER...

"Why are you sitting naked in Billy's closet listening to country rock?"

Aren't they cute?!!!! Of course, I wouldn't be partial...not at all. By the way, this is for you Ally. :)

To relieve stress....I dance like a maniac and think about all of the mundane little things that are really awesome to have in your life...such as...

1.8pm...what a wonderful time of day. Not daytime, but not late. It is the most exciting time of the day...and I hope that I never make that my children's bedtime...8:15 or 8:05, but never 8:00

2.the theme song to Curious George...sometimes that little monkey aggravates me to pieces, but it is really fun to try to play matchmaker for the man in the yellow hat...

3.McDonalds...some day - if I ever get the courage to fly on an airplane - I am going to go on a quest to see how many McDonalds I can eat at all over the world...Forget about ever wanting to see the Eiffel Tower or a pyramid or any of the other stupidly boring things that I can see in a picture...Give me a Big Mac.

4.Cheddar cheese...so quick...so easy...so salty...so yummy in my tummy.

5.Hot ginger ale...as in "no ice." Call me silly...who needs ice for ginger ale?

6.Dreams of one day owning my very own peach farm...Peach cobbler and red gingham dresses all summer long...WooHooooooo!!

7.Getting the mail...and the hope that one of those little pieces of mail won't be a bill or junk mail...

8.Fuzzy socks...and brand new fuzzy socks...

9.Trying to think of ways to make a hamburger a gourmet meal.

10.Singing in bed when you can't get to sleep...though, I just think back with longing toward this. These days I am asleep the very milisecond that my head hits the pillow...which leads me to...

11.SLEEP...such a commodity and a luxury in this life.


And now to something which should have it's own week long celebration with trumpets and elephants and little midgets carrying flags...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HUBBY!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!

Have you ever had days when you felt as if you could reallly do that subsistence farming thing?...Did I even spell that correctly? ...And have your neighbors 50 miles aways from you...and be completely surrounded by nature...and even live in a little log cabin - okay, so maybe a big, white farm house would be better...and wear flannel parkas because you refuse to depend on electricity...except for the electricity going to your big bathroom with the really nice clawfoot tub that is perfect for long, hot bubblebaths - as if you would even have time to take a long, hot bath anymore...And you wouldn't feel trapped in a concrete dungeon where even the television sets have eyes...(I am so completely convinced that the government watches us through our television sets and listens to our cellphone calls...They must put crack in the cell phones so that everytime we talk on the cell phone, then we have to talk more and more and more...You really can't be without one anymore. Try it - I dare you...And if it isn't our government...then it is the Chinese government...) .......

I NEED CHOCOLATE!!!! Yeah, I haven't had my coffee today...which could explain the paranoid behavior...but I also think these things when I drink a whole pot of coffee...maybe it is just that I have been blessed by some special knowledge about the workings of the people in power...evil people who are secretly hiring people to come illegally into our country so that they can help these evil people - I won't name names but it rhymes with Devilbama and Sataninton...- raise up a land of illegal drones who are paid to be under the control of said evil dictators...Wow...this is deep stuff...

People make me angry...Politics depress me...Bills make me feel trapped by the system...and looking for a freaking house in an area that values "swim/tennis...no land...be all up in your neighors grill and call it fun" living above all else - have I mentioned that people actually pay to see a cow here and call it a bonus if they watch it take a crap?! -

Some days the only thing to do is....DANCE. to Nirvana, no less. Yes, it smells like teen spirit.

You know there are alot of country music songs that kind of sum up life...Here are a few lyrics...

1. I ain't first class, but I ain't white trash...Wild and a little crazy, too. Some boys don't like girls like me, but some boys do.

2.I wear what I want to...overalls, work boots...crank my music up loud. Like to sling a little mud on my 4-wheel drive...trick on into town. Shoot a little eight ball down at the pool hall...drink a root beer with my friends. Don't judge me and I won't judge you 'cause we all get judged in the end...

3.And nobody wants to get drunk and get loud...Yeah, me and my rowdy friends have all settled down.

4.And country folks can survive...Cause you can't starve us out and you can't make us run Cause we'se them ol' boys raised on shotguns. We say grace and we say ma'am...If you ain't into that, then we don't give a ....um...durn.

All right...maybe more later...

Mama, thank you for teaching me the verse that says, "Be ye angry and sin not." I wish that I could remember the chapter and verse...

The people in the apartment below us cranked up their music...and their loudmouths at this late hour. Don't ask me how my babies are sleeping through this. I am trying to pray for grace and peace in my soul...but it's just so hard. I keep seeing the beautiful, BEAUTIFUL blue sign with the gorgeous outline of the ever-so-lovely state of South Carolina on it...I really miss home. It is so much easier to breath South Carolina air. However, Hubby's job is fantastic...and everytime I pray to go home, God seems to say that this just isn't quite the time for that...

I am becoming such an angry person. Okay, a little late for that...I am becoming so much angrier...That is a more correct statement. By the time I am a little old lady, I am going to be sitting on my porch throwing eggs at my neighbor's cars when they are going to work in the mornings...Then I will go back to bed and sleep until it's time to throw eggs at their cars when they return home from work.

Ahhhhh....sleep.....I don't think that I will ever catch up on sleep. I think about how little sleep I needed or wanted before mono and two babies...Now, I would absolutely be so happy to go to bed at 8pm every night.

I think that I have done the impossible...I have actually come to appreciate the Mom Jean. Yes, Hubby is thrilled. But really, no mommy should have the whole neighborhood knowing the answer to the whole "tramp stamp or no tramp stamp" question.

How do people eat stinky food? How silly do I feel that I actually called maintenance and argued with them to send someone out ASAP because of a weird smell in my apartment. It actually just turned out to be the people below me. I was so sure that the furnace was going to explode...or that aliens were sending us smell signals...Hey, it could so happen. Maybe it's really some secret message from the illegals below me...they are really spies, and that is why they are illegal...and that is why 14 people live in a two bedroom apartment...and that is why they drive that $50,000 car...Oh, forget it. They just eat food that smells like it belongs in a toliet - even before it's digested.

I love my Hubby. It's a little funny...I can have an absolutely awful day...one of those days where my nice clean home gets toys all over the living room floor...and I eat a huge piece of chocolate cake when I am on a diet...and I cut my hair myself while my little boy tries to plunder through my makeup...Then Hubby comes home. And - suddenly - I find myself chasing my son through the apartment with a duck towel on my head and a cheeseburger with hot ketchup and pickles and little onions in my stomach...And I can't remember why I thought I was having a bad day.

Hey, I think the cute little illegals below me actually quieted down. I think tomorrow's going to be a pretty good day...

Things that I hate:

1.looking in the mirror

2.commercials that make credit cards, loans, and - especially - student loans look like a quick fix...

3.cold weather

4.FEMINISM

5.iced tea without sugar

6.soggy fried foods

7.other drivers on the road

8.most pop music

9.Yankees who adopt country music...by the way, country music was originally called
'Western" because the Southwest was considered to be Alabama and Mississippi. And Yankees who say "y'all." I just want to go ballistic everytime I hear "y'all" pronounced with a Yankee accent.

10.cheap hotdogs. Yuck.

11.bad haircuts...though sometimes I wonder if there is anything else but bad haircuts for me...I think that I will take on a Lady Cadiva look - clothed, of course...

12.foul language. Most vulgar.

13.pork rinds. I would rather eat my shoe.



Things that I love:

1.crossing the state line back into South Carolina

2.having clean, perfumed hair

3.silent movies from 90 years ago - what an awesome chance to take a peek into the lives of a bygone era...However, I only like them during the daytime. The brevity of human life is much too real in the dark...

4.being a mother - it is one of the greatest gifts that God has given me.

5.strong black coffee - all day long

6.the nostalgic, somber feeling that jazz and roses give me - a feeling of solidarity with the past

7.decorating with clean lines, shiny metals, soft pillows, and tons of candles - and the dream of actually being able to do this in my own home again one day...

8.days when Hubby doesn't have to work

9.busting out of sing-sing with my two little jailers when the warden has deserted us

10.when opposites come together - modern and traditional, sweet and sour, high heels and blue jeans, ice cream on a hot day, old-fashioned values in today's world?...I'm still waiting on that last one.