I'm back!

I am finally back in my own home - since 9pm last night. Peanut is in his own swing...he's not entirely happy, though. You see - my folks spoiled him for the past week and a half. His grammy walks him and holds him a special way - which he now demands. His pappy rocks him in the mornings while his mommy gets her coffee. And you should see the double-team way they give him a bath. So, Peanut is at a loss as to why he is now stuck with only mommy and daddy. (I must say that he is very happy to finally be with his daddy again...There was one night that after Hubby left my parent's house, Peanut cried and cried for him...)

Ooooh!... Peanut now has eyebrows!!!!! They started coming in the night before last. He is soooo cute!!!!!!

I highly recommend Mansfield Park by Jane Austen. Such a great book!!! And I recommend The Power of a Praying Parent by Stormie OMartian and The Mission of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson for all new mothers to read. God has really encouraged me - and encouraged me to pray more specifically for my son - with these two books!!!!

Okay, Peanut's not happy any longer in his swing. Got to go!!!!

Mrs. Phreedum has been captured by her parents until after Wednesday the 26th of July, to wit until after Hubby has finished with the Bar exam and all this craziness is over. sorry for the inconveinence, i'm sure the blogging will resume shortly. in the mean time, you can amuse yourself at the following web pages






CNN
People
Bored?
MSNBC
WIKI
Southern Avenger
Captain Picard has a Blog!!

Fat opera singers give one a feeling of solidarity with the past. Boo to the Brits for changing things!!!!!

Celebrity Gossip...

I have decided to kick narcissism in the buttocks today and not talk about my most personal, inward thoughts on myself. Bummer, huh? I have, however, decided to give into my strong addiction for celebrity gossip. Here is the celeb world as I see it today...

Where is Suri Cruise? Let me tell you... She does not exist. Yes, you heard me. Suri Cruise is merely a means to boost a washed-up star's career. Let's face it, ladies and gents, Tom Cruise just isn't hot anymore. And Katie Holmes is a horrible actress - minus her Joy days... So, what do two washed up stars do to save their careers? They act like they love each other. Then, after Tom overreacts on the Oprah show, they must go further with the act. They tell the world that they are going to get married. Okay - then the world looks incredulous as no wedding plans are made. So... next comes the baby news. The world can't get enough of the Tomkitten news. So much publicity...Tom's Mission Impossible 2 movie is really helped out by it... Now, it's been almost three months. No Suri pictures. Anywhere. What does that tell you people? You put two and two together...

Bobbi Brown is not a very nice man. I have proof. He recently did a concert with his old band. While the other five members of the band were nicely doing their little, clean rehearsed dance... Let's just say Bobbi was doing something a little different. Apparently, he was jumping all over the stage like a mad-man. Then came the portion of the show when everyone did a solo... Wow. Bobbi started out dirty dancing. He made some I-don't-want-to-know-about-that statements concerning his vida de amour con su esposa. (That probably does not translate correctly...) By the time that he sang "That's My Perogrative", he was taking off his clothes. The crowd went crazy. I think that he didn't get past taking off his shirt. The crowd booed him. Who can blame them?

Who else - besides me - watches eagerly for news of another Hilton-LiLo dance off? Isn't that a great way to settle a dispute? The next time someone makes me angry - I am going to challenge them to a dance off. Hey...I wonder if I could challenge my techno-lovin'-great-grandfather-neighbor to a dance off? Or what about my hip-hop-er-iffic neighbors with the weird dog? Hubby - you betta watch it...If you make me mad, we won't be fightin' - we be dancin'...

Paris Hilton is desiring to hear the pitter-patter of little feet...and I don't mean the pitter-patter of Tinkerbell's little furry feet... Yes, you heard right. Paris wants to be a mommy. Scary, huh? Well, she does feel qualified for the job - sort of..."I have alot of beautiful animals that I look after and I feel I would have alot to give to my children..." I say no more... I am shuddering too much to comment...

I have decided recently that there must be something wrong with the ground in Hollywood, London, Paris... Basically, anywhere where celebs go. I'll explain. Have you noticed how actresses stand? I had previously thought that only Scarlett Johanssen was guilty of standing pigeon-toed a la Napoleon Dynamite with horribly rounded shoulders. However, after looking at other pictures of celebs - including Liv Tyler and Nicky Hilton - I have discovered that this is a favorite stance of many young starlets. The terrain must be so uneven - or unsteady - or something - anything - in order to prompt them to strike such an unattractive pose and have it captured on film to be saved for the viewing pleasure of posterity...

Congratulations to Faith Hill. She has been voted the most beautiful woman in country music. However, I think that the good people of Seattle need to have their eyeglass prescriptions updated. Perhaps the rain... A Seattle news site has recently made the statement that they believe that Natalie Maines of the Dixie Chicks (which should be called the Redneck Yankee Yuppie Broads) should have received the award. Are you kidding?

I am irritable in a very quiet, passive-aggressive sort of way today. I have forgotten what it feels like to get eight hours of consecutive sleep. The night before last was a nightmare. Baby has his days and nights very much mixed up. Last night wasn't so great, either. We had people stay at the house last night. They didn't get here until late, and then... Well, let's just say it was weird.

Peanut got a swing yesterday. He loves it. It has this music thing that plays very intense classical music. He just sits and rocks and looks around. He is sooooo cute! I love my baby!!!

Why do I have this innate thing built into me that I cannot find words to speak to some people. I had previously thought that I could small-talk to anyone. However, now I know that this is not true. There are some people with whom an awkward silence or a very awkward conversation that doesn't go anywhere seems to be the closest thing to conversation that I can find. Why? I wish that I knew. It isn't that I don't want to be conversational. I just can't be. Can't help it. Oh, well... As weird as this sounds, I just hate wasting time feeling uncomfortable. That's me - as snobby as it sounds. I really don't want to come across stuck-up. And I wouldn't be spending time writing about this if it didn't concern me. But, I just don't feel like working on it. It just seems much easier to zone out and day-dream while feigning interest. I have found that most of the time, others will gladly fill the quiet spaces. The only problem comes when people leave the room and the "conversational ball" must come into my court. Messed up - right? This is just some of the things that you think about when you have several sleep-deprived hours of quiet.

Boy, am I exhausted. I feel as if my whole weekend is gone. Friday evening was fun. Friday night was awful. Saturday morning Hubby tried to let me sleep while he watched Peanut. The neighbor's dog barked all morning. Then, Hubby and I cleaned house to get ready for guests to come. We finally stopped at about 10:30. Before I knew it, my whole evening was gone. I am craving an evening with Hubby that is stress-free and devoted only to the two -well, three - of us. Is that selfish? I don't want left-overs of someone else's time. I want my own time slot. I don't want to try to catch up on sleep during that time. I don't want to think about chores or responsibilities with studying or cleaning. The day is nearly gone now, and we are both so tired.. Maybe next weekend...

I have laundry to do. The work never stops...

Heaven knows what will come next
So emotional, you're so complex
A rollercoaster built to crash
But I still love to have you around...

Everytime that I hear the "Blue Danube," I close my eyes and imagine that I am waltzing. I am in a beautiful ballroom. My dress is a lovely early 20th century ball gown. My hair is done up in a very fetching pompadour - complete with little white rose. My partner is a wonderful dancer - and I ain't so bad myself. He grips one of my lovely gloved hands, and my other hand holds up my skirt. We exchange pleasantries about the weather, but I can tell that he worships the ground that I walk on. Later in the evening, he will ask me - in a desparate manner - for my perfumed lace handkerchief. Just a little something to remember me by - for he must go to fight in the Great War next week. I will demurely let him kiss my ungloved hand - as scandalous as that may be. Then I will press my handkerchief into his hand, and turn to walk away quickly. Of course, I would have carried about twenty handkerchieves...My dance card would be full of dashing young men who desired so romantic a keepsake from the woman who would be to them as Beatrice was to Dante... However there would only be one who could capture my true attention - and my heart... He would be a tall, promising young lawyer with dark hair and captivating hazel eyes. I would reserve the last dance for him. And, perhaps I would let him escort me home. He might even be able to steal a kiss under the gas light that stood in front of my beautiful Victorian domicile. Our romance would include a beautiful spring engagement and a gorgeous wedding on a hot August night. Soon, there would be a picture for the family album of me in a stiff, white shirtwaist and dark blue skirt. He would be standing next to me - his watch fob hanging from his tailored suit vest. And near us would be a baby carriage with a sweet baby boy in it. We would plant rose bushes around our house that our children grow up in. And when I died, he would be the last to leave my grave. He would place the most beautiful bouquet of roses from our bushes on my grave - a symbol of our love. And he would drop a tear - all right, two... And my spirit would be there for only a moment, to caress his silver hair and plant a final kiss on his wrinkled brow...He would feel a gentle breeze and smell the fragrance of gardenias and roses. And he would know that it was my spirit. And we would one day be reunited on streets of gold...

Boy, I should be a cheesy romance story writer! While some of my friends thought that my new name sounds like a great name for a - um, dancer... I feel that it befits a cheesy romance novel writer. Weird, huh?

The baby is asleep - finally. It does sort of make me feel good to know that he wants his mommy to hold him. In fact, there are times when no one else can do. He loves his mommy -and his mommy loves him.

I am cleaning house. I finally got all of my pre-baby clothes put up. Wow, do I have alot of clothes! Not that I can wear them all - yet... But somehow it doesn't bother me as much as I thought that it would. Things just look a little different now. I haven't worn make-up in what feels like a lifetime. I'm doing great to get my hair washed and dried - much less styled. While I would still enjoy the ability to get all dressed up, it just doesn't seem to be such a priority in my life anymore.

I have had some great conversations with God this week. It's kind of nice to be able to just sit and rock my baby and pray over him.

I wish that I could just sweep my awkwardness under the rug sometimes. Wouldn't that be nice? I wish that I had perfect poise. I wish that I were Audrey Hepburn - refined, graceful, charming, polite without appearing aloof and stiff... But I'm not. So, I guess that I'll just have to get over it... But it would be very nice to be charming...

I am in a great mood today. Hubby suggested that we try to go to the zoo. Yeah! I am just counting down the minutes until he gets home today - as usual... I feel as if I am finally getting into the swing of things. I have been able to wash clothes, eat lunch, put in my contacts... I even tackled the jumble of things in the study. I made my bed this morning. I hate having an unmade bed. I have decided that Baby gets an 8pm bedtime from now on. I know that he would prefer to have a 2am bedtime - he is a night-owl like his mother - but that is not his decision yet... (It's going to be great fun when he is a teenager and he and I stay up late watching old horror movies...But until then...)

I have been wondering lately why I like to blog so much. Hubby had the audacity to tell me that I blog because I am weird and I run out of gossip to read. Well, I never! I hate to admit it, despite my indignation, I do agree with him. Oh, well... What ya going to do, huh?

It still feels weird to think that I am somebody's mother! It feels weird to look at my baby's face and see a jumbled reflection of both my own features and Hubby's. But you know what? - It also feels great! Babies are one of the greatest gifts of God!!!!!! I am getting to learn my baby's personality - and, oh yes, he does have one... He is no longer just the wriggling little glow-worm who cries for me to take care of him. (He stopped being just that about 3 hours after he was born.) I know that the smile on his face when I pick him up is genuine. He tells me when he is angry, uncomfortable, hungry... He likes to be walked around the house. He prefers to eat right before he goes to sleep. He rubs my skin on my neck when he is falling asleep. He likes to put his fingers on my lips so that I will kiss them. He looks at me as if I were crazy when I talk to him and kiss his little chubby cheeks. And he has favorite songs. And in the mornings, his daddy changes his diaper and brings him to me in bed, saying "he's hungry." And baby's eyes are bright and beautiful and he makes sweet baby faces at me. And I know that it's going to be a great day...

It's so liberating to write without being concerned about grammar.

When there is no one to talk to....

I am cleaning house and tending a baby today. I am doing laundry - yuck... I am also going to mop. (At least that's more enjoyable...) But in my soul....

In my soul I am dancing on a moonlit beach. The sand is cool beneath my feet and the breeze is warm in my hair. My eyes are closed and I don't care what anyone else thinks. A moonbeam is my spotlight. No stress. No everyday hum-drumness... Just dancing...In the moonlight...


"It's a supernatural delight...
Everybody dancin' in the moonlight.
Everybody here is out of sight.
They don't bark and they don't bite.
They keep it loose to keep it tight.
Everybody dancin' in the moonlight...

We like our fun and we never fight.
You can't dance and stay uptight.
It's a supernatural delight.
Everybody's dancin in the moonlight...

Everybody's feelin' warm and bright.
It's such a fine and natural sight.
Everybody's dancin' in the moonlight..."

When there is no one to talk to....

I am cleaning house and tending a baby today. I am doing laundry - yuck... I am also going to mop. (At least that's more enjoyable...) But in my soul....

In my soul I am dancing on a moonlit beach. The sand is cool beneath my feet and the breeze is warm in my hair. My eyes are closed and I don't care what anyone else thinks. A moonbeam is my spotlight. No stress. No everyday hum-drumness... Just dancing...In the moonlight...


"It's a supernatural delight...
Everybody dancin' in the moonlight.
Everybody here is out of sight.
They don't bark and they don't bite.
They keep it loose to keep it tight.
Everybody dancin' in the moonlight...

We like our fun and we never fight.
You can't dance and stay uptight.
It's a supernatural delight.
Everybody's dancin in the moonlight...

Everybody's feelin' warm and bright.
It's such a fine and natural sight.
Everybody's dancin' in the moonlight..."

Peanut's asleep on the floor. For now... He's fixing to get a bath.

My baby's eyes are staying open longer now. They are this really deep, blue grey color. I wonder what color they will end up being...

I like to hear what people get fired up about. I realized this today. I don't even care if I don't agree with the issue. I still like to know that people have things that cause their souls to be set on fire. It makes the world seem a little less cold.

Coffee is the greatest substance to be ingested on earth. I really, really love coffee. Strong coffee. And lots of it. I like my coffee black. However, since I married Hubby, I have been drinking it with either a little milk or cream in it. Is that weird? Still - no sugar for me. It just ruins the taste.

I have made a discovery about myself. I don't like fireworks - they scare me. I like them from a distance when they are shot off by people that actually know what they are doing. Children and teens with fireworks are a scary thing.

I met a dog who also doesn't like fireworks. Monday night a huge, great big ol' dog got on my porch and scratched at my door like crazy. His head came up to the window on the door when he stood flat-footed on the porch. My dad tried to scare him away. He wouldn't budge. Hubby and my dad tried to scare him away. They were physically fighting him to get him down the stairs - and the stupid dog kept pushing past him. No aggression. Just determination. So, luckily the dog had a collar on. He was one of the neighbors. He was taken home and dumped in the back yard. The neighbor called my dad the next day to thank him. The poor doggie had been abused when he was a pup with fireworks. He had known the people who lived in our house before us, and he wanted a safe place to stay. I kind of felt sorry for the horse of a dog - even though I greatly detest large dogs.

Tomatoes from a garden are so much better than tomatoes at the grocery store. Grocery store tomatoes should be called something else - they are so different. Like, maybe "psuedo-tomatoes with weird peels." (Real tomatoes have really thick peels that you have to remove before you eat them or else you can barely chew them up...)

Okay - I was thinking about music again today. And I made a discovery... I think that every month has its own theme music. Sometimes it has two different theme genres... Here is my list.

January- Frank Sinatra, Cold Play
February - (still Sinatra) and Waylon Jennings
March - Led Zepplin
April - Our Lady Peace
May - Kenny Chesney, James Taylor
June - Incubus, Gorrillaz, Gwen Stefani
July - the Drifters, the Tams, the Temptations, Chairmen of the Board
August - Louis Armstrong, Counting Crows, Smashing Pumpkins
September - Grateful Dead, Nirvana, Rooney
October - Allison Krauss, Merle Haggard, Mozart
November - Miles Davis, Cat Stevens, Gigi Agostino, Sarah Mclaughlin
December - Nat King Cole, Bing Crosby

Do you remember the movie "A Walk to Remember"? That is one of the best, most sensitive films ever. (I wish that I could remember more quotes. I have this quote from Breakfast at Tiffany's playing in my head, but I can't remember it well enough to quote it...) I have been thinking about that movie today.

Peanut has been in a weird mood lately. He gets really fussy when he doesn't get enough mommy-baby time. If I don't hold him for a long enough period during the day, he is really clingy at night. He also doesn't appreciate being held for long periods of time by other people. I have learned this the hard way this weekend. He doesn't usually mind short periods of being held, or attention when he is in my arms or on the floor. However, usually after people leave, he fusses anytime I try to put him anywhere but in my arms. And this continues for quite some time into the night. What can I say - he loves his mommy... And his mommy loves him, too.

This Thursday will mark one month from my 1 year anniversary. Wow. What a year. This time last year I was single - albeit, engaged - and wearing a size smaller than I am currently wearing... (It is true about the hip thing and pregnancy. I have been back down to pre-pregnancy weight for almost a week now. However, I cannot wear my entire closet yet. Maybe someday...) I can't believe all of the changes that have happened in the past year and a half. Prior to that time, I just thought that Hubby was some incredibly attractive, stuck-up, arrogant jerk. And now, well, let's just say I kind of like having him around... Not only is he an incredible hunk, he also makes me sooo happy. This has been one of the best years of my life. I love my husband - and my little boy - so much. Some days I just sit back and wonder why I have found such favor with God, that He would bless me so much. Everday, I fall more and more in love with the man that I married - the man who only continues to surpass all of my expectations and desires. I love you, Hubby.

My blogs all say roughly the same things -
1.I love God and my family.
2.I am weird.
3.I am perhaps a little too self-involved and narcissistic. I like to talk about my thoughts, feelings, and life - alot...

Why does anyone read them?

I need something to look forward to. I am beginning to rethink the party idea at the end of July. Might just have to push that back a little... But, I still need to look forward to something. What? I don't like to think about how much older Peanut is getting...He's already two weeks!!! My baby's growing up. (Yes, it's a little drastic...)

I really like Finding Neverland. I can totally relate to Johnny Depp's character. I think that tomorrow, I will have my house cleaned, put on a pretty dress, and brew a pot of coffee. I will put some soft jazz music on in the background. I will lock my doors and put on my high-heeled shoes. Peanut and I will dance around the living room, and I will pretend that I am in some 1950's post-war movie...where I am the heroine. Other than that, I will have to wait until tomorrow to see what happens. (Okay, aren't you convinced of how weird I am now? Not crazy - just weird...) Then I will wash off all of my makeup, put on a sweat suit and mess up the house before Hubby comes home.

I had this really odd dream last night. I dreamed that I had this really cute outfit on - red shirt, very full red and white floral skirt, and red heels with an ankle strap. I was in my house - only it was different. I was organizing and I discovered this little closet that I had not known was ever there. But the door was too small for me to fit into. So the room could not be used. ---Peanut's crying. Time for a blogging break --- I had this window with a ledge in the kitchen. I put a pie on the ledge, just in time to see one of my neighbors come grab my telephone through the window. She started making long-distance calls. I tried to tell her that I didn't want her to do that, but had a problem with being impolite or starting conflict with her. It was weird. I went for a walk out of the house so that I would not have to face her on the issue. It was just easier to ignore it.

Just Another Saturday Night...(Yep, that's Grateful Dead...)

The baby is sleeping on his little mat on the floor in the living room. I just finished feeding him. I am watching him - knowing that I will have to feed him a little more again soon because he fell asleep in the middle of his dinner - and wondering how I lived without him. Tonight was just another night in my home with my husband and my little boy. Hubby held me in his arms while I held the baby in my arms while we all watched "You've Got Mail." (Can you believe that Hubby had never seen that movie before? He is a wonderful man to watch it with me.) It feels nice to know that this is the way that things are supposed to be.

You know what I mean - when you date someone, there is tons of excitement - especially in the beginning - about spending time with them. There are butterflies in your tummy and outfits that try to make you seem like you care just enough, but not too much... There's the anticipation. There is the trying not to say anything that will make you look like a moron...

Honestly, after you marry someone and have a baby with them, there really isn't a ton of giddy excitement about spending an evening with them. (However, I still feel really excited every day when it comes time for Hubby to come home from school or work...) There is something deeper. Something that is more permanent, more lasting, more meaningful. It is honestly one of the best feelings in the world. Just the thought that spending time with that person isn't something that you have to hope for. You've got it. That's the way things are supposed to be. You've made a commitment to that person, and they have made a committment to you. You're a family. Wait. Hold it. That is exciting. No butterflies. No anticipation. But alot of contentment, commitment and love. And that is exciting...

Two actresses that I find play - or played - "quirky" characters= Meg Ryan and Audrey Hepburn. Only, Audrey was always soooo graceful. And Meg is always soooo clumsy. Weird, huh?

I like coffee. With espresso. And lots of it. I like caffeine. It makes me feel good...(Yeah, the Adam Sandler voice was saying that in my head again.)

I am reaching a midlife crisis at the age of 25. I wonder what will happen at 40. I don't want to do anything other than find a new identity. I have been thinking either goth or white hip-hop artist thing... What do you think?

I want to go to Mocha Moms - a support group for stay-at-home moms of color. Hey...I have color, right? And I definitely got soul...

Have you ever noticed that drinking a cup of coffee on a rainy day makes you feel like you are a character in a rainy, dreary 1940s black and white movie? Lately, I have not been able to leave the house. All of my blinds are drawn. I don't know what the weather is like. I think that this week I will drink coffee and imagine myself in some really wonderful, really fantastic black and white movie.

I like the Smurfs. If the smurfs were communists, they would be red instead of blue. I had a crush on Carpenter Smurf and Sebastian - and Papa Smurf. Hubby understands.

I like cereal alot. I like chocolate cereal with marshmallows. No boring adult cereal. Give me some sugar, baby...

Scrooge McDuck had a sexy behind. He got such great butt muscles because he swam in coins every afternoon.

Clark Kent is the kind of guy who would go door to door in a trench coat... Yeah, I know that you agree.

I would like to dance around all willy nilly in ruffled petticoats with bows all over them singing "Supercallifragilisticexpealidocious..." (Did I - no, I don't care...)

My belly looks like Mrs.Santa Claus...

Okay, bedtime... For the next 2 hours until the baby wants to eat again...