Celebrity Gossip...

I have decided to kick narcissism in the buttocks today and not talk about my most personal, inward thoughts on myself. Bummer, huh? I have, however, decided to give into my strong addiction for celebrity gossip. Here is the celeb world as I see it today...

Where is Suri Cruise? Let me tell you... She does not exist. Yes, you heard me. Suri Cruise is merely a means to boost a washed-up star's career. Let's face it, ladies and gents, Tom Cruise just isn't hot anymore. And Katie Holmes is a horrible actress - minus her Joy days... So, what do two washed up stars do to save their careers? They act like they love each other. Then, after Tom overreacts on the Oprah show, they must go further with the act. They tell the world that they are going to get married. Okay - then the world looks incredulous as no wedding plans are made. So... next comes the baby news. The world can't get enough of the Tomkitten news. So much publicity...Tom's Mission Impossible 2 movie is really helped out by it... Now, it's been almost three months. No Suri pictures. Anywhere. What does that tell you people? You put two and two together...

Bobbi Brown is not a very nice man. I have proof. He recently did a concert with his old band. While the other five members of the band were nicely doing their little, clean rehearsed dance... Let's just say Bobbi was doing something a little different. Apparently, he was jumping all over the stage like a mad-man. Then came the portion of the show when everyone did a solo... Wow. Bobbi started out dirty dancing. He made some I-don't-want-to-know-about-that statements concerning his vida de amour con su esposa. (That probably does not translate correctly...) By the time that he sang "That's My Perogrative", he was taking off his clothes. The crowd went crazy. I think that he didn't get past taking off his shirt. The crowd booed him. Who can blame them?

Who else - besides me - watches eagerly for news of another Hilton-LiLo dance off? Isn't that a great way to settle a dispute? The next time someone makes me angry - I am going to challenge them to a dance off. Hey...I wonder if I could challenge my techno-lovin'-great-grandfather-neighbor to a dance off? Or what about my hip-hop-er-iffic neighbors with the weird dog? Hubby - you betta watch it...If you make me mad, we won't be fightin' - we be dancin'...

Paris Hilton is desiring to hear the pitter-patter of little feet...and I don't mean the pitter-patter of Tinkerbell's little furry feet... Yes, you heard right. Paris wants to be a mommy. Scary, huh? Well, she does feel qualified for the job - sort of..."I have alot of beautiful animals that I look after and I feel I would have alot to give to my children..." I say no more... I am shuddering too much to comment...

I have decided recently that there must be something wrong with the ground in Hollywood, London, Paris... Basically, anywhere where celebs go. I'll explain. Have you noticed how actresses stand? I had previously thought that only Scarlett Johanssen was guilty of standing pigeon-toed a la Napoleon Dynamite with horribly rounded shoulders. However, after looking at other pictures of celebs - including Liv Tyler and Nicky Hilton - I have discovered that this is a favorite stance of many young starlets. The terrain must be so uneven - or unsteady - or something - anything - in order to prompt them to strike such an unattractive pose and have it captured on film to be saved for the viewing pleasure of posterity...

Congratulations to Faith Hill. She has been voted the most beautiful woman in country music. However, I think that the good people of Seattle need to have their eyeglass prescriptions updated. Perhaps the rain... A Seattle news site has recently made the statement that they believe that Natalie Maines of the Dixie Chicks (which should be called the Redneck Yankee Yuppie Broads) should have received the award. Are you kidding?