The Dull Thoughts that I Think...

Blame it on the web,But the spider's your problem now.
Language's the liquid we're all dissolved in.
Great for solving problems, after it causes problems...

Let's get away...Just you and me and him...and them...and that...and this...No, it would never work...

I'm tired of dreaming domestic dreams...I don't care about curtains, or blackberry cobbler...I want to be a child in my dreams...But all grown up...I want to dance in my dreams...Would you dance, too?

I want to laugh until my ribs hurt...I want to sing until I have no voice left...I want to scream until my throat aches...

If I hide, will you seek me? Would you wait for the count to end before you really realized that I was gone?

I want to be selfish...Please, can I be selfish? And not feel guilty....or - selfish?

I have to tell you "thank you." You won't even understand...But you smile when I talk to you...You stare intently and then you smile...I feel my heart glowing...burning brightly...radiating with love for you...We are starting with a clean slate and there are no walls to break down...Let's keep it that way. No walls...No divisions...Let's not hide our souls...Let's worship God together....Us...Not the parts that we play...Just me and you and him and them...

My soul is cheesy to the core. But I am not kool-aide. I thought that I was lemonade...for a day. But now I realize what I am. I am iced coffee...Bitter and refreshing - once you develop a taste for it...

My baby is very, very much like his mama. In alot of ways...But two specific ways, especially...
1.He fights sleep like crazy...Unless he finally falls asleep...Then he likes it alot and doesn't want to be awakened.
2.He likes attention...Yeah, that's right! I like 'lots and 'lots of attention, too.

Here are some other things that I have learned about my baby:
-His eyes light up and he smiles at the thought of chocolate cake and strawberries...just like his mama.
-He is definitely a morning person. Every morning he waits patiently for his mama to wake up...and then he screams to wake her up. But, when she finally opens her eyes, he rewards her with the biggest smile...and sometimes a laugh. What a wonderful way to wake up!!!!
-He loves bathes...and the swimming pool. He likes to kick his feet in water. And he is happy out-of-doors.
-He is STRONG. He can almost hold his head up without any help now. And he's already rolled over - even if it was only once - and the doctor says that is two months ahead of schedule.
-He is ticklish on his tummy and on his feet. But I only tickle his tummy because everyone says that if you tickle his feet he will studder.
-He likes long hair on girls.
-He likes cookie monster - even if cookie monster doesn't really eat cookies all of the time anymore. Apparently, cookies are a "sometimes" food...
-He is excited about being able to run with his mommy one day. You should see him smile and kick his feet when we talk about it!

Chocolate popsicles that are only 1/2 point are the bomb diggety...

I like the way you work it..No diggety...Got to back it up...

Baby doesn't like Modest Mouse...What's up with that? His mommy will have to teach him more about what good music is...Baby also doesn't like Banana Republic. He screamed until we left the store. You see, I only go where baby wants to go now...And I'm fine with that. You know, I only saw maybe one or two things that I liked in the store.

I like the way a crisp, tailored white shirt and tailored, well-fitting brown trousers with a slightly flared leg and thick, brown, mannish suspenders looks together. I don't know if I could pull it off, though.

I have determined that this season's fashions scare the bajeebies out of me. Skinny jeans? Leggings and tunics? What?! I definitely don't like skinny jeans. They look great on Nicole Ritchie. But I'm not a toothpick, honey. I definitely don't need to wear something that will make my butt look like it belongs to the marshmallow puff man. I do like tunics...Just not tunic sweaters. And I love, love, love sweaters. But I like sweaters that barely meet the top of my jeans. I like cable-knit pullover sweaters that look nice and neatly tailored to my body...Hence the diet before sweater season starts... And I like leggings...I sheepishly admit this one. But I am a little weird about the way that I would wear them. Maybe with heels...Heck, I would wear just about anything with a heel...But I think that I would actually prefer black, mid-calf leggings with black ballet flats and a short skirt. I had the cutest pair of black leggings when I was in fifth grade. They had black lace around the bottom...

I love the way that black lace looks...So demure...and sexy...How could you feel anything other than sexy while wearing it?

Kohls is going to be selling a line of Vera Wangs clothes...Isn't that weird...But still really, really cool...

Can a mommy get away with wearing clothes from Bebe? Or would she just look like horrible, super-slut, pretends-not-to-be-mommy Mommy of the year?

Something that I feel would be a very foolish, unpracticle purchase...But I still would kind of like to have...Black silk ballet shrug and matching boudoir shorts...But I would much rather have the blue silk charmeuse gown by Vera Wang. Much more practicle...


Wow...This is really a long post...

Friendships are a wonderful gift from God. I have never had a zillion, trillion friends...But the friends that I have are awesome, wonderful people. And I thank God for them...

Baby boys are a wonderful, wonderful gift from God. My little boy is asleep now. He was an angel tonight...as usual... I love him so much. Today, he was fussing, so I picked him up and started talking to him. And he laughed at me...Not just smiled...Actually laughed. I can't describe how that made me feel. It was his way of saying, "Mommy, I love it when you hold me and talk to me." His smiles are golden. And I love him with all of my heart...

I won at Monopoly tonight. I feel great! Doc and I made a wonderful alliance against Hubby and Verne. We beat those cheaters soundly... Can you believe that they don't pay rent unless you ask them before the next player takes their turn?

Hubby and I got to swim together today in my parent's pool. It was so much fun!!! That is only about the second time that we have gone swimming together since we've met. Weird, huh? We have both gone swimming separately - just hardly ever together...

Isn't it weird how a trip to the grocery store can become a fun date? Thank goodness for a mom and dad who absolutely love to watch their little grandson. Hubby and I have even been able to workout together in the evenings. I like it when we go to the gym, but going to run outside is so much better...Not only does it feel better on my body...It gives Hubby and I some alone time. Last night we went for a run...But only ended up running about a mile and walking and talking the rest of the way. It was so beautiful out last night...The sun had set, but it wasn't dark yet...I love that time of day...

Night time always makes me more pensive. I wonder if that is true for everyone...It makes me think more about the brevity of human life. It makes me evaluate my heart and my actions from the previous day. Time is going by so quickly. It won't be much longer until I am no longer here...What will my life mean? I know that God has a purpose for me...But am I fulfilling that purpose? I think that having a son makes me feel as if I were fulfilling my purpose...But it also makes me more wistful when I think of the short amount of time that I have here with him and Hubby. And, yeah, I know that any separation that I will have with them will be a short time in the long run of things...But in my human flesh...I can't help but feel that I might miss them. Wow. This is really morbid...and I am exposing my very soul. So maybe I should just stop here.

My little boy had to get his vaccinations today. He got five injections - two in one leg and three in the other. I felt horrible. He was smiling while they had me and Hubby hold his little arms. He must have thought that we were playing with him...And then the nurse stuck the needles in him. He cried. And I cried.

Sometimes, I think that my heart is going to burst I love that little boy so much. Baby boys are truly one of the most WONDERFUL gifts from God. It just makes me wonder at God's love for me that He would bless me by entrusting something so wonderful to my care. I love being a mother. And I love it more and more every day. Every pain that I felt while I was pregnant and while I was delivering him...and the week of recovery after...It was all worth it. Every sleepless night...for the past two months. It is worth it. There aren't very many things that make me as happy as seeing his little face light up in a smile. He is truly the sunshine in my day.

It's storming outside. I think that in everyone's childhood there should be an Aunt Martha to tell them that lightening comes from two clouds bumping into each other.

When I left the waiting room at the pediatrician's office today there was only one person waiting. When I was leaving...WOW! The waiting room was full of rednecks on parade...with their horrible, bratty, undisciplined children. I thought that I was going to pop a coronary.

I bought some new Aveeno calming lotion for Baby, but Hubby insists that it smells too feminine for Baby to wear. It's lavendar and chammomile. And he's a baby. Do you think that baby boys can wear lavendar and still retain their masculinity?

Isn't it weird how spoken language can either divide or connect two souls? I am reading Genesis now...

This dieting thing might work out after all. I have already lost a little bit of weight, and I am having a hard time eating all of my points during the day now. I guess that the first week is always the hardest week to diet. I had so many points left over tonight, that I ate a serving of popcorn and half a serving of light ice cream. To me...any day that I get to eat icecream on a diet is an awesome day.

Sometimes I wonder if it is weird to have unattainable dreams. Such as...I have always had the dream of having something that I have written published. Not going to happen. I know that. But it is still nice to dream. Dreaming is one of the many things that makes life a pleasure to live. I also dream about owning a pair of Marc Jacobs shoes...or Jimmy Choos...or Manolo Blahniks...or even Kate Spades...A girl can dream - right?

I wish that I had a fat...really obese cat...with clean feet...and orange fur...named Garfield. How creative am I?

I spit my pacifier out tonight...

Dieting sucks...I either eat too little or too much...Why can't I just be fat, happy, sassy, and just-don't-care?

All of me...Just take all of me...Can't you see - I'm no good without you? Take my arms, I'll never use them. Take my lips, I want to lose them...Your goodbye left me with eyes that cry...........
What is the rest of that song?

Are the words of the song really "raindrops on kittens"? Because that is what was playing in my mind. And I think that is really, really sad...Can't they even give the kitty a dry place to sleep?

I got fussed at tonight by alot of people for allegedly "spoiling" my son. Bah Humbug!!!! Just because he sleeps in my arms for most of the night doesn't mean he is being spoiled...It just means that he is spoiling his mommy. It is some of the best sleep ever - even if it isn't for very long at a time. And I like it when he cries to be held only by his mommy. I could hold him for 29 hours a day - if there were 29 hours in a day...Did I mention that I love my little boy?

Have you ever wondered who invented kissing? I sure like them.

Hey little baby let me light your candle, cause a' Mama I'm sure hard to handle now...
What does this mean?

Also the line - "That ain't nothing but drugstore lovin'..." Is that really the words?

I want to run for miles and miles and miles and miles....I want to push my body to the max. I want to feel the pain- and feel it stop when the endorphins hit...I indeed crave a runner's high...Euphoria is great - and free...Yeah for endorphins!!!!

I bought baby some more clothes tonight...It is better than shopping for doll clothes!!!!!

My mother was singing Pink Floyd songs with Hubby tonight...Isn't that awesome? Too bad I was in another room...

AND IT'S JUST A BOX OF RAIN! I don't know who put it there!

And it's just a box of rain - or a ribbon for your hair! Such a long, long time to be gone, but a short time to be there!!!!!!

I wish I had a ribbon for my hair...

My little man rolled over for the first time last night!!!! I am as proud as if he had won the Nobel Peace Prize!!!

I ran tonight. I almost got run off of the road several times - once by a high-school bus. They yelled something out of the windows at me. It was a happy sound - and I was too busy listening to Luda to know what they said.

I read Enders Game...Hubby's favorite book ever...Now I dream about the buggers. Last night, I dreamed that because Ender helped the little buggers in the coccoon, that the buggers were coming back to Earth. And they knew how to take all of the calories and fats out of anything with alot of carbs in it. And I wanted to learn their secret before I killed them. And I was really mad at Ender. This is the second bugger dream I have had.

A certain really wonderful person put a great song on her blog. I check her blog everyday...and therefore hear the song every day. Now I have the song stuck in my head...but only when I wash dishes during the day...and all night long. Wait - it's playing in my head right now... Ally, who sings that song? How did you put music on your blog? I think that's the coolest thing ever!

I repainted my bookshelves. Hubby didn't tell me that he hated the blue color that I chose. I must say that it was a rather shocking shade of blue. But I liked it - because it was shocking. And different. And weird. Now our bookshelves are a subdued, peaceful green color. I like that, too.

Why is the smell of pine and cedar so relaxing and comforting? I like cedar and spruce and pine candles.

My hair is growing out!!! And falling out... Maybe I will buy a Dolly Pardon wig...Or a Jessica Simpson wig...Not because I think that I am going to be bald, but just because I think it would be funny... Don't you think so?

My heart is hurting...and I don't really know why. A teenage boy died in an accident last weekend. I knew him - sort of. He was friends with someone that I know and really love. And it scares me to see something so tragic happen to someone so young...And I'm scared for the one that I love. He is so young. They were such good friends. I thought that he was a really neat kid when I met him. He was talking about his plans for college someday. Alcohol was involved. I don't think that I would hate alcohol so much if it weren't so destructive...

I want a ho-ho...You know - those chocolate cupcakes...

I am looking forward to being able once again to wear my hair in a bun by sticking a pencil into my weirdly frizzy, curly mess of hair...

I wish that I were at the beach ... neck deep in ocean water ... sunburnt and happy... weightless and bouyant...You would be there, wouldn't you?

When will I be able to feel relaxed in pearls? I only really want to wear pearls when I wear velvet, or white button-down shirts...

A teenage boy I once met died last weekend. I had heard him speak of the future. They say it was drunk driving...

Can we have a picnic in a field of wildflowers? Can I wear them in my hair? Can we drink kool-aide out of a champagne flute? And can I bring some candles? Can we eat off of china plates? Will you let me pretend that this is a pretty, pretty dream - but that we are still awake? And can we pretty please stay there until the sun starts to set and the lightening bugs flicker around us? Will you hold me in your arms and dance to no music - just so that you can have the chance to feel me next to you and smell the perfume of my hair?

I've always wanted to be a crystal champagne flute...But even if I was...I would still just hold kool-aide...common, everyday, run-of-the-mill kool-aide

Can I be your sunshine? Can I light up your day? If not - can I be your umbrella? Can I protect you? But I'm not an umbrella either... What am I?

I am cheesy and weird ...and happy to be that way. (By the way, the last blog was written by my beloved brother. Great poetry, huh?)

Would you want me when I'm not myself?

This one is from an unknown foot...
By Vljsmf

Hello there...
The ground is cool,
But the dishes in the dishwasher are churning
In an echo, a baby is crying
A human voice "who is there."
It was no one
just an echo
Gumby's crying
"CRAP!"





Drool is a part of day
feet in my face
aghast
unhappy pacifier
Closed eyes and open mouth
Clay and play dough rock my world
The smirfs do battle with heman
barbie is confused
Chewing pretzels remains a command
gi joe remains neutral
apricots!




A greeeeeen bookshelf stares at me
Books stare at a greeeeeen bookshelf
Half witted lamp
The jokes are in my hand
The fish sing lalala
Move over Copernicus
Just whimpy





Orange liquid passes time
Afterwords are seldom heard
The king's crown is broken
Gasping for clover
Distant screams are mute
The chair is hated by one
Sweet smells of new breath
Replayed composure

Hey, want to know why my friends call me whiskers?

Isn't it weird that baby swings play the most serious classical music? It's kind of the sort of thing that you would imagine being played at a Presidential inauguration or a wedding...And my son is making the cutest noises in protestation...

Baby Suri definitely does not exist. It is all a Scientology plot to delude the masses...

I am counting weight watchers points. We'll see how long this one lasts...

Peanut laughed at me this morning when I called him my"sweet sugar" and kissed his belly and forehead...

I like my pink gingham nightie. I am still wearing it this morning. I dreamed about it two nights ago...One of my friends had one just like it. And I was wondering why she was still wearing it in the middle of the day at someone else's house. And then I didn't blame her because it is so practically pretty - two words that don't often go together...

I do not like my pediatrician. I think that Peanut might be getting a cold - he has so much congestion in his little 7-week-old chest. Those idiots have not called me back this morning...

Cream cheese is some good stuff...

Cleaning carpet is sometimes a necessary evil. Thank heavens for Lysol spray...

I dread going to the pediatrician's office - all those undisciplined, horribly bad children... Someone please tell me where the respect has gone? Don't make me break out in a Justin Timberlake/Black-eye Peas song... Oh...That was the Supremes, right?...

Everytime that I look in the mirror, I wonder how Ican weigh my old weight and look so different. Sooooo flabby...I am tempted to revert to mom-jeans and sequined teddy bear t-shirts... ooooh, make that mommy-jorts with a fanny pack! And don't forget the mommy cut, big white fold-down socks and white tennis shoes! Now that's what I call mommy style!!!!
(Thank heavens my mama does not nor ever has dressed like that. Poor Peanut!... Poor Hubby...)

Hey, I'm getting ready to go to JCPenny to get some of these hip new jeans. Check it out here!

So, I just finished reading Wuthering Heights. Such a wonderful book!!! (Even if it isn't as great as Jane Eyre, it's still good readin'...) Here are some of my thoughts on the book...

1. Nearly everyone dies. But doesn't everyone die, anyway - at sometime...
2.Heathcliffe is the father-in-law from hell.
3.British chicks are weird - unless they are servants. Ellen - or Nelly - is someone that I would love to meet.Catherine needed Santa Clause. (Don't ask...or do. I'll explain...) Cathy needed some hard work and more hugs.
4.Hareton makes me laugh. But I still really, really like him. There is just something so weirdly funny about a little British boy who curses people in every breath...I know, that's awful...
5.If I had been left alone in a room with Linton, I would have blackened both of his eyes...and then laughed at him. He needed a good spanking.
6.What is up with these wicked people hanging puppies?
7.I would have thrown things at Joseph just to hear him curse me.
8.I wonder...Do people still run around on the moors in England? And...does anyone other than me think that it is funny that the main descriptor for any place in England is that it is "near London"? How is that clarifying anything anymore than just saying that it is in England?

I am going to read Georgia Scenes by Augustus Longstreet next. I have read some of this book before. It is one of the finest pieces of Southern Literature that I have ever read before. (The author was president of the University of South Carolina between the years of 1857 and 1861. That makes him okay in my book - even if he was born in Georgia. At least it was in Augusta, which makes it close enough to South Carolina.)

Hubby got me a copy of The Carolina Housewife. In case you didn't know, it is a cookbook published in 1847 in Charleston by the daughter of Edward Rutledge. It is really interesting to look at how people in the South cooked then...and compare it to today. Yankees don't know how to make grits...or collards...or fried chicken. Okay...so maybe more people make fried chicken than I would consider Southern. We'll let that one go...I guess.

I was drunk last night, dear mother. I was drunk the night before. And if you'll please forgive me...I'll never get drunk anymore.

I was thinking...have you ever been in a crowd where everyone is giving their "drunk stories"? They always become long, drawn-out tales...sometimes amusing...sometimes just boring as h-e-double hockey sticks... I don't have any personal drunk stories to add. So, what if I just made conversation by telling my cookie stories?

Here is my cookie story...
Omagah...This one time. I was just like eating cookies. And like this guy kept sending me more...right after I like finished one. And I couldn't like refuse them. SO I just kept like eating them. And then...I like ate so many. I like couldn't see where I was going. I like knocked into this like person. And they were like so angry. And like I didn't care...because I was like just singing La Cucaracha... And then I started to dance. (Insert loud, nervous laugh...and a slight pause...only to see who is listening.) I had like a few more cookies. And then I like passed out. I like vomited all over myself. Like I was saying..."Lord if you will let me get past this, I will never eat another cookie again."

Did you hear about the man who broke into really rich people's houses because he was under the influence of cotton candy? I wonder if it was regular cotton candy or ...FLUFFY STUFF!!!!

Wow. It's been a long time. My life is not my own anymore.

Yesterday was my 1st anniversary. We celebrated by taking Peanut to the museum. What is up with people not watching their children? I don't understand it. So many kids. So little discipline. Sorry - the "no running inside" policy sounds great to me.

Oh, yeah - Hubby and I went to Garibaldi's last night, too. It was a really fun, relaxing day. The food was good - at least mine was good - and the loud, obnoxious woman behind us was really, really loud. I detest loud, obnoxious women. Or men, for that matter. But I think it is somewhat worse for a woman to be loud. I just want to slap them. Especially in a restaurant. Maybe I should empty a glass of water on their heads.

I watched "The Pacifier" last night. I know - it sounds like a cheesy movie. But it's really great. Vin Diesel is this really buff Navy seal who has to guard a bunch of kids and find a top secret government ...something. Anyways, he beats up the vice-principal who is a horrid bully (don't you love the word "horrid"?) and he gets the girl - Lauren Graham. So any movie that's got a tough military guy who likes little kids -and wears his uniform in the movie - falling in love with Mama Gilmore... That's entertainment.

I am sitting on the bed with Peanut. He is being a little fussy right now. This is one of the rare times that I actually am not holding him while he is awake. He doesn't know what to think of it.

I have started to run again. And for heaven's sakes - I need to. I have never felt this large in all of my life. I have never felt this flabby in all of my life. I have never felt this miserable when I look in the mirror in all of my life. It's a good thing I don't have much time to look in the mirror.

I love being a mother. I love taking care of somebody. I have always wanted this. However, I am trying to find my new identity. I was just sort of getting used to being a wife. Now, I have a new role - which I am trying to do while doing everything else. (Forget the "balance" part of things. There is no balancing being a mother with everything else -at least for me. This is the most important thing in my life. I want to do this to the best of my ability - with God's grace, of course. ) Have you ever thought about it - if I screw this up, I screw up somebody's whole life. It is an awesome responsibility. I am completely not into the "hands off and see how it turns out" idea. I think that if we were made to be so completely independent, God would not have created families. I was thinking tonight about what my dreams are. But this is my dream. Being a mother. This is it. I am doing it. I'm not saying that I don't have other goals in my life. It's just that while I am adjusting to this - the most important thing I will ever do - they are all on stand-by...indefinitely.

I made beef stroganoff Friday night. I have really found out that I love to cook - even if I am not very good at it. I had to buy some wine to make the dish. I had never bought wine before, and I was surprised that the cashier had to card me. Isn't that weird? I bought the cheapest, rot-gut chianti on the shelf. There was this really sweet, really expressive lady in front of me in line. She turns around and stared at me as I walked up to the line with my jug. She smiled. I smiled. (I also admired the fact that she actually wore fake eyelashes to the grocery store.) 'That's some real good wine," she said emphatically. I couldn't help but laugh. Is that mean?

Peanut is asleep.

Yesterday at the museum... I had Peanut strapped to my chest in his little carrier. Hubby had walked off just a little ways to look at something. This weird, deranged woman walks by me and says..."He's just gettin' a little lunch, huh?" I had no idea what she was talking about at first. It wasn't until I thought about it that I realized - that freak of nature thought that I was breastfeeding my baby in the middle of the museum. If she hadn't looked - and sounded - like she liked girls instead of boys, I would have thought that she was president of the local La Leche league. Freak!! What will people think of next?

Does anyone remember the Offspring song that goes..."And all the girlies say I'm pretty fly for a white guy..."? I have that stuck in my head right now - don't ask me why... Is that a sign of insanity?

I finished reading Mansfield Park. It is a wonderful, wonderful book. I wonder if Jane Austen was like her heroines?

Wuthering Heights is dark, melancholy, comical and intriguing.

Peanut looks adorable in his Sesame Street pajamas.

Did you know that Crayola has partenered with Betty Crocker to make cookies that you can decorate by painting or drawing on them?

The summer is almost over. My first anniversary is this Sunday.

Build-A-Bear has cookie monster - with real cookie monster sounds!!!!!

For the first time in my life, I know that I am doing the job that God wants me to do. Always before, I felt that I was guessing - or I just couldn't see the whole plan. Now the plan for - at least this time - my life is so clear.

Peanut is making squeaky noises. He is in his swing looking at me. He can't understand why I am not holding him - and I can't either...