Wow. It's been a long time. My life is not my own anymore.

Yesterday was my 1st anniversary. We celebrated by taking Peanut to the museum. What is up with people not watching their children? I don't understand it. So many kids. So little discipline. Sorry - the "no running inside" policy sounds great to me.

Oh, yeah - Hubby and I went to Garibaldi's last night, too. It was a really fun, relaxing day. The food was good - at least mine was good - and the loud, obnoxious woman behind us was really, really loud. I detest loud, obnoxious women. Or men, for that matter. But I think it is somewhat worse for a woman to be loud. I just want to slap them. Especially in a restaurant. Maybe I should empty a glass of water on their heads.

I watched "The Pacifier" last night. I know - it sounds like a cheesy movie. But it's really great. Vin Diesel is this really buff Navy seal who has to guard a bunch of kids and find a top secret government ...something. Anyways, he beats up the vice-principal who is a horrid bully (don't you love the word "horrid"?) and he gets the girl - Lauren Graham. So any movie that's got a tough military guy who likes little kids -and wears his uniform in the movie - falling in love with Mama Gilmore... That's entertainment.

I am sitting on the bed with Peanut. He is being a little fussy right now. This is one of the rare times that I actually am not holding him while he is awake. He doesn't know what to think of it.

I have started to run again. And for heaven's sakes - I need to. I have never felt this large in all of my life. I have never felt this flabby in all of my life. I have never felt this miserable when I look in the mirror in all of my life. It's a good thing I don't have much time to look in the mirror.

I love being a mother. I love taking care of somebody. I have always wanted this. However, I am trying to find my new identity. I was just sort of getting used to being a wife. Now, I have a new role - which I am trying to do while doing everything else. (Forget the "balance" part of things. There is no balancing being a mother with everything else -at least for me. This is the most important thing in my life. I want to do this to the best of my ability - with God's grace, of course. ) Have you ever thought about it - if I screw this up, I screw up somebody's whole life. It is an awesome responsibility. I am completely not into the "hands off and see how it turns out" idea. I think that if we were made to be so completely independent, God would not have created families. I was thinking tonight about what my dreams are. But this is my dream. Being a mother. This is it. I am doing it. I'm not saying that I don't have other goals in my life. It's just that while I am adjusting to this - the most important thing I will ever do - they are all on stand-by...indefinitely.

I made beef stroganoff Friday night. I have really found out that I love to cook - even if I am not very good at it. I had to buy some wine to make the dish. I had never bought wine before, and I was surprised that the cashier had to card me. Isn't that weird? I bought the cheapest, rot-gut chianti on the shelf. There was this really sweet, really expressive lady in front of me in line. She turns around and stared at me as I walked up to the line with my jug. She smiled. I smiled. (I also admired the fact that she actually wore fake eyelashes to the grocery store.) 'That's some real good wine," she said emphatically. I couldn't help but laugh. Is that mean?

Peanut is asleep.

Yesterday at the museum... I had Peanut strapped to my chest in his little carrier. Hubby had walked off just a little ways to look at something. This weird, deranged woman walks by me and says..."He's just gettin' a little lunch, huh?" I had no idea what she was talking about at first. It wasn't until I thought about it that I realized - that freak of nature thought that I was breastfeeding my baby in the middle of the museum. If she hadn't looked - and sounded - like she liked girls instead of boys, I would have thought that she was president of the local La Leche league. Freak!! What will people think of next?

Does anyone remember the Offspring song that goes..."And all the girlies say I'm pretty fly for a white guy..."? I have that stuck in my head right now - don't ask me why... Is that a sign of insanity?