Okay, so I didn't like the Marge Simpson thing so much yesterday. Today, I decided to see which movie mom I would be. They matched me up as the mom from Freaky Friday. Is this a good thing? I haven't seen that movie.

I just took a test that said that I am going to be a mom like Marge Simpson.

Neck Wrinkles

Britney Spears has a neck wrinkle. And too much make-up on.

The world thought that she was beautiful just a few years ago. Now they mock her. Why the change?

What is beauty? Have you thought about it? I have. I am a vain person. I try not to be. However, I can't tell you that I don't enjoy a good manicure, pedicure, tan, and new clothes. Oh, yeah, and new jewelry. And I must confess that I worry constantly about my weight - incessantly. I have never quite adapted to the idea that I will not look like a tooth-pick. So, these are my confessions.

I hate to admit it, but these past few months have been weird for me. I barely have time to clean house and study, much less "fix myself up." The doctor was pleased with my weight gain, but even though I know that it's my baby, I have to remind myself to be happy about that. Isn't that awful? These are my confessions.

We were talking about the Neo-Platonic view of beauty in Philosophy class last week. It really made me think - even though I think that Neo-platonists are crazy out of their heads, as did Augustine. So, I looked into God's Word for what He says about beauty.

Here is what I found: 1 Peter 3:3-6
"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear."

Okay, so what does this mean? I initially cringe at this passage. I grew up in a church who still had older members who thought that a true Christian woman should not wear make-up or dress nicely. I'm sorry, I think that those people are missing the mark. Peter didn't say "Don't wear nice clothes. Dress in rags." What he was saying was don't let the nice clothes be what makes you feel beautiful. Physically, I will never look like Elle McPherson. I will never rival Jessica Alba. Eva Longoria will always make me feel fat. And right now, I may be the ugliest I have ever been physically. But that's okay. Because as long as God finds me beautiful in His sight, that's all I have to worry about. I can think of alot of girls right now who I think are gorgeous on the outside, but the most beautiful thing about them is their gentle spirits and their devotion to God.

So, God, thank You for making me feel beautiful today- even with my bigger bum and my neck wrinkle.

Baby Boy Phreedom !!!!!!

I am having a little, cute, hyper baby boy!!!

- Correction: I am having a little, cute, hyper-active, mama's boy-in-the-making!!!!!

Yeah for Baby Boys!!!!!

I also have a neck wrinkle. Can Botox take care of a neck wrinkle? I was thinking yesterday about how I used to look young until I married Hubby. That's what marrying an older man will get you. Be forewarned.

How do you get rid a neck wrinkle? How do you get rid of a neck wrinkle? I wonder if anyone has seen it yet.

YEAH FOR MY LITTLE BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't want to wait 4 more months!!!

Isn't this a great picture?

Hubby and I might be getting a house pretty soon. We finally found one that we both really like. It's in a pretty nice area. It's three bedrooms, 2.5 baths. The kitchen is fantastic! ...And it's got a great dining room, too! I can't wait to start entertaining again. I feel like God has given Hubby and I the gift of hospitality, and I miss using that gift.

So, please pray for us. We really want God's direction in this decision. Is this where He wants us?

Hubby and I feel that God is leading us to fast for the next 40 or so days. No, not food. We feel that God has asked us to fast TV. I really want to get closer to God. I crave His Spirit. I don't want any distractions. I just want to be in His presence. The funny thing is - the closer I get to Him, the less connected with the world I feel. No, it's not the sort of disconnection that means that I can't communicate with other people or can't walk down the street. I just don't feel as if I really belong here anymore. Have you ever heard the song "Beulah Land"? Unless you grew up in a home that played Southern gospel, probably not. But the words are :"I'm kind of homesick for a country that I have never seen before..." I feel that way. Everytime I read the news, I feel lost, sad, depressed. Everytime I have a conversation with someone who is definitely running from God and not trying to hide it at all - I feel my heart sink. The only thing that brings me a feeling of safety, security is God's presence in my life. I need that. I am desparate for God. I want this feeling to grow stronger. I don't want to be able to breath without every fiber of my being praising Him. I never want my hunger for His presence to be satiated. In short - I want to become a fanatic for Christ. I want to be a "Jesus freak." (Oh, yeah, that was a flashback. :) )

I think that it's great that Peanut kicks when I talk. I wanted to feel him/her kick this morning, so I started talking to him/her. And, sure enough, s/he started kicking! I love my baby!! I love my Hubby!!

I have to end this with a hymn that I can hear my Nanny's voice singing -
"Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord!
Let the earth hear His voice.
Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord!
Let His people rejoice!
Oh, come to the Father through Jesus the Son
And give Him the glory,
Great things He has done."

The first days are the hardest days, don't you worry anymore...

It's the same story the crow told me; its the only one he knows.
Like the morning sun you come and like the wind you go.
Ain't no time to hate, barely time to wait,
Wo, oh, what I want to know, where does the time go?
I live in a silver mine and I call it Beggar's Tomb;
I got me a violin and I beg you call the tune,
anybody's choice, I can hear your voice.
Wo, og what I want to know, how does the song go?
Come hear Uncle John's band by the riverside.
Got some things to talk about, here beside the rising tide.
Come hear Uncle Hohn's Band playing to the tide,
Come on along or go alone, he's come to take his children home.

May you have a Grateful Dead day!!!!

Good Morning, America

There ought to be a sign hangin' round my heart
Don't judge yet, there's an unfinished part.
But I'll be perfect just according to His plan
Fashioned by the Master's loving hand.

He's still working on me
To make me what I ought to be.
Took Him just a week to make the
Moon and the stars,
The sun and the earth
And Jupiter and Mars.
Oh, how loving and patient He must be
'Cause He's still working on me.

I woke up early this morning. Not by choice. One of my neighbors came home drunk and without her keys. So, she kept hitting the house until the windows rattled and yelling at the top of her lungs. I went downstairs to see what was wrong at 4:30 this morning. And now I can't sleep. Poor little Peanut. Mommy won't let you get any rest, will she? Four hours a night just isn't enough for a growing baby. That's okay, sugar. Mommy won't ever be upset when you wake her up in five months.

Five months - and my baby will hopefully have been breathing and crying and sleeping...on Planet Earth for a couple of weeks. I can't wait! Every time that I feel the little critter move inside me - it's just magical. Peanut is really getting quite active in there. Every day I am just hit with this growing sense of love for my child and fear for the future. No, it's not about that scary story that someone told me one time about how the baby gets here. Man, I'm just going to let the stork bring this one. But, I'm really scared about raising a child. This was definitely God's timing - not mine. I am scared. Here is this brand new little life. No vile thoughts in its little head. No knowledge of what life is like. And its going to look to me for everything. It's up to me and Hubby to teach it about the One Who created it. I have to explain to this sweet little life that the One who spoke the universe into existence, Who is eternal, is the same God who humbled Himself to come to earth as a man to die a cruel, humiliating death on a tree that He created at the hands of men that he created. Why? Because of people like me - and the sweet baby that I will give birth to. Because He loves us that much. And how do I repay Him? I mess up every day. My baby's going to see that one, too. And I'm going to have to explain that no one killed Christ. He gave up His own life willingly. It was at His own command that His Spirit left His mortal body.

I am going to have to explain how eternal life through God works. I'm going to have to explain how heaven isn't a selfish place. I'm going to have to tell my baby that not everyone is going to heaven. Heaven is only for those who believe in Christ AND accept His words. I am going to have to hope that I am not unclear. That I don't jumble things. That my baby really understands - because if Peanut really understands, then Peanut can't help but accept the message. If everyone really understood - if they really, REALLY heard the words - how could they reject that? How could they reject the One who loves them most - and with the most pure, undeserved love that they will ever know?

I am going to have to explain that works don't make you a Christian. But, then again, faith without works is dead. You can't live like the rest of the world - think like the rest of the world. I have to explain that to walk alone is better than to mesh into a society that has rejected Christ. No, it's not alone. Christ never leaves your side if you live for Him. But it's still hard. I face it everyday. My number of friends is fairly small because I am different - and I refuse to conform. And you can't go around condemning others either. Don't worry about what your friends are doing. Pray for them. God will take care of them just like He takes care of you. You have to show others the way through example. You have to pray - diligently. You have to give Christ your all - no holding back. You have to remain strong. And only God's grace can help you do that. But that's okay, because His grace is perfect and free for the asking.

Yeah, I'm scared. So, God, thanks for waking me up this morning. Thanks for the quiet time of early morning to prepare me for what lies ahead. Thanks for Your grace.

Happy Valentines' Day!!!

HAPPY VALENTINES' DAY!!

For what started out a really, really rotten day, I am trying to make the best of it. I made muffins for Hubby this morning. Then, I cut my hair - and all of my classes. I got into a fight with some weird, trashy guy in a white van. I offered to fight him, but I think he was scared of the fat pregnant crazy white woman. Then I met Hubby and my white Indian friend in the park for a picnic. So, I guess it's been a pretty good day.

Last weekend, Hubby and I went out of town for a competition that Hubby was in. I slept constantly. I quit my job Sunday night after my dad and Hubby convinced me to. I guess that three hours a week really isn't worth fighting off half-drugged crack heads looking to steal shoes. My contact tore in half. My prescription is too old to order another one. Isn't life great?

Things will be better tonight when I finish cleaning the perpetually dirty apartment and write a paper for tomorrow. I hope that I still have time to work out at the gym after Hubby gets out of class at 7pm tonight.

I am still trying to work on the "Love thy neighbor" thing. I guess I'm doing all right. Except for that time this morning when I would have loved to punch my neighbor in the white van. Then there's the guy who wrecked my car last week and would not stay around for the cops to come. I'm just having a little trouble feeling guilty about telling him that he was an idiot who was going to die before he graduated - but that's only everytime I try to parallel park with out a right mirror. So, I think that I am making some progress.

So, all in all, I guess that what I can say for my Valentines is that I am surviving - though not very comfortably. My back is killing me. None of my clothes fit. I still have over four more months. That kid better not be late.

Happy Valentines!!

And It's Just a Box of Rain...

...Look into any eyes you find by you, you can see clear to another day,
Maybe been seen before, through other eyes on other days while going home.
What do you want me to do, to do for you to see you through?
It's all a dream we dreamed one afternoon, long ago.

Just a box of rain, wind and water,
Sun and shower, wind and rain,
In and out the window like a moth before a flame.

And it's just a box of rain, I don't know who put it there.
Believe it if you need it, or leave it if you dare.

And it's just a box of rain, or a ribbon for your hair;
Such a long long time to be gone, and a short time to be there.

"Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth."
1 John 3:18

Isn't it funny that the need to be loved and accepted and "helped out" by others is such an universal need? Seems like we all have the need for genuine fellowship. Greatful Dead had it, well, - dead on. That need is there in other people's eyes. Just look for it. You'll find it.

I am trying to learn to sincerely love others without expecting anything in return. Not expecting any physical, tangible reward is easy. But, expecting at least a small reciprocation of the same feeling of brotherly love - not so much. However, I really feel that I need to keep fulfilling this commandment. Lord, show me how to do this and supply the love and grace necessary for the task.

Groundhog Day 2006!!!!

Okay, so right now the only groundhog that I like is Beau Lee from Georgia. He is the only groundhog who did not see his shadow. I think that the other groundhogs are just great big scardy-cats - wait - make that scardy-groundhogs.

Yeah for summer!!! I want to tan!!!

Wait For Me!!!

So many things - so quickly! Arghhhh! Wait for me! I can't catch up!

So, one of my professors made me cry yesterday. And it wasn't the one I was expecting it from. I have been working my butt off (don't I wish that had a literal meaning!) for his class. He liked my work - but he yelled at me. I didn't realize that the clock in the kitchen was not completely on time. So - I woke up early and got dressed. I studied. And I thought I was leaving - for once - with plenty of time to get to my meeting. I ran to class with a bag of books - up a flight of stairs - pregnant. When I got there, he had another professor in his office - chatting. So, I patiently waited. But when he was done - he called me in and screamed at me for most of the time we should have been working on my project. I apologized a zillion times, tried to reschedule, and interrupted him two or three times to try to get him to talk about my ideas and research. But, he just kept screaming. And he would not help me a bit. This is going to be fun. The worst part is - he made my stomach cramp up. Walking back to my car, with my books, my stomach was cramping so badly I could not breath comfortably. And - he made me cry.
---End whining here.---

I think that Hubby and I found a house. We went to go look at the ugliest house in the world last night. It was hideous. But, the realtor (pray for the realtor's mother - she is really sick) had two more houses that we did not know about. So, we went to look at them and fell in love with one of them. I do not have my hopes up yet - but it looks as if it may be a possibility. So, I am still praying!

Hubby got a call from Big Sis last night while we were on our way home - which means that he got to talk to Cute Nephew. I really like watching Hubby talk to small kids - especially ones that he really loves - like Cute Nephew. Hubby is going to be a GREAT dad!!!

Well, I have to study now. Peace out, homies!!!

"Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you."
Psalms 63:3