Go See carolinacottonblossom.blogspot.com

Just wanted to let y'all know -
I have a new blog at carolinacottomblossom.blogspot.com.
(Yes, I know that my old blog was carolinacottonbloom.blogspot.com, but thanks to pregnancy hormones, I can no longer remember the log-in or the password.)

Just to let you know - whoever of you wants more self-torture...

One of the most awesome songs ever written...

There's something in the way she moves,
Or looks my way or calls my name
That seems to leave this troubled world behind.
And if I'm feeling down or blue. Troubled by some foolish game,
She always seems to make me change my mind.

I feel fine anytime she's around me now, she's around me now almost all the time.
If I'm well, you can tell she's been with me now.
She's been with me now quite a long, long time.Yeah, and I feel fine.

Every now and then the things I lean on lose their meaning.
And I find myself careening into places where I should not let me go.
She has the power to go where no one else can find me, and to silently remind me
Of the happiness and the good times that I know, and then I just got to go then.

It isn't what she's got to say but how she thinks and where she's been.
To me the words are nice the way they sound.
I like to hear them best that way, it doesn't much matter what they mean.
She says them mostly just to calm me down.

And I feel fine any time she's around me now. She's around me now almost all the time.
If I'm well you can tell she's been with me now.
She's been with me now quite a long, long time. Yeah, and I feel fine...

(Peanut likes to be rocked while his mommy sings this song.)

When CoHosts Go Bad....

I must admit - I am obsessed. And it's a little weird. I must know what is going on between Star Jones-Reynolds and Barbara Walters. Was Star fired? I think that question has already been answered by both ladies - YES.

Why was Star fired? I have read one article that suggests that it is due to the fact that Star dropped a ton of weight and got married during the course of the show. Another article blaims the introduction of Rosie O'Donnell - a very out-spoken critic of Star just because Rosie's chub club only made her fatter and Star actually lost the weight - to the show. (Is it just me - or do you think that Rosie's chub-club was really something sinister? I don't really think that it had anything to do with weight loss at all. I think that it was really sending out subliminal messages to the bored populace who was actually desparate enough to watch the show...But what about?.... Don't you think it just a little too funny that the "Queen of Nice" soon became the biggest beeyatch in the world after quitting the show? Something was definitely up with that show...) Back to Star...Still another article that I read suggests that Star was booted from her long-time position on the View because she kept making references to weight-loss products during air time in order to get free stuff. I don't know - I never really watched the show. Okay, I did watch it last fall. At work at the restaurant. But the volume was down and I was high on strong coffee and the other waitstaff were talking about insane things all around me... I never knew what they were saying. All I knew was that I think that Star was made to be fat. But she is looking better now. Maybe not fat, but she definitely needs some meat on her bones. She doesn't look as good now that she is a twig. Poor Star. She'll never make everyone happy.

Okay - here's the scoop as I see it. Star WAS fired. She was fired because Rosie's life partner got a huge crush on Star soon after Star lost all of her weight. That is why Rosie is angry about things. Rosie wants to be the only fat woman on talk TV who tries to lose weight in a public setting without really revealing any plan for the loss. She never really revealed any plan because she didn't have any. (Star, by the way, must have had a plan - whatever it was. She, however, does not like to talk about it.) She just liked to talk about it. I have already hinted at my suspicions about that. Star was given the pink slip as soon as Rosie agreed to come on the show. Barb has a secret crush on Rosie. That's why she would boot poor old Star. Or maybe she just doesn't like that fact that Star's wedding and weight-loss stole the spot light away from her, just a teensy little bit... Whatever it was, Star decided to pull a fast one and revealed the fact that Barb ain't so sweet as she looks. Barb was angry and wouldn't let Star come back to play anymore. That's why the View website mysteriously has been stipped of all reminders of Star Jones-Reynolds... Go see for yourself.

Okay, my poor desparate readers...What do you think? I want to hear from you why you think Star was ousted. What happened between Star and Barb? I must know... I must have the truth - or a close facsimile thereof... You must tell me... (Okay, enough already...)

Yes, Sir - That's my baby. No, Sir, I don't mean maybe...

By the way...

Peanut's belly button fell off today! That means that I only have two more days before I can give him his first real bath!!!! Yeah!!! I think that he tolerates his sponge baths, but I don't think that he will like a real bath. But, he'll smell so sweet!!!

I am scared and excited. I have never ever seen a baby get a bath before. I have never seen a baby get his diaper changed, or seen someone take care of a belly button that was fixing to fall off, or seen someone nurse a baby, or dress a baby... And I tackled all those other things. Thanks to God's grace and my wonderful, patient mother. I do have the best mommy ever. She helped me sponge bathe Peanut again today when she came to visit me. (I get so lonely here...I can't wait to clean hard core again...)

So, here's the update... 9 days old, back to birth weight, and no belly button still hanging on... And he's been turning his head when he lifts it up now - already. Yep, that's my little boy...

Things change, but some some things still remain the same...

I don't think that I can have an intelligent conversation about designer fragrances anymore. I used to be able to. But, it's been so long since I have shopped for a new designer fragrance. (My wonderful Hubby did buy me Vera Wang's fragrance for Christmas. I think that it has become my signature scent. But, I did used to buy a new fragrance every two weeks or so for a little while in my life...)

I do still love high heels. I can't wait to dress up again.

I am not so independent as I used to be. I can't just jet out of the door and spend the day doing what I like anymore. (Think shopping, lunch of cold coffee and empanadas at 3:00pm all by myself, museum trips after that, and maybe a coffee shop after dinner...)

I do still find pleasure in the "simple things"... I like walks down Main Street. I still am in love with the same old house downtown - even though they fixed it up and made it a restaurant.

I feel so much older now - and it's only been a week and a half. Not wiser. Just older. With alot more responsibility.

I am still dependent on God for everything. And the need of God in my life, were it to be graphed, would still be an exponential curve. I need Him more and more everyday - the need is not increasing at a linear rate. It is exponential.

I have a beautiful baby boy. He has learned how to steal my heart and wrap his little fingers around my heart strings. He is my pride and joy. I can't imagine life without him. I love him more than I can tell you.

My relationship with my family has not diminished now that there are other changes in my life. We are still very, very close. I still feel my blood boil hotly when I feel that someone breathes even the most slight word of negativity in regards to my family.

My primary family unit has switched now. My "family" is Hubby and Peanut. I have been blessed with the best husband ever - and the best father for my little boy ever. I love my husband more every day - and am so happy to be building a family with him.

My family with my parents has grown. My husband is now a part of that family - not just someone who I bring with me when I go visit. God has truly blessed me with parents that love Hubby more than I have ever seen a family love a son-in-law. And God has blessed me with a husband who loves my family. My parents and my husband can converse and spend time together without me present. That is a blessing from God.

Pink is still my favorite color. I still love puppies and ribbons and lace and Beethoven piano sonatas... I still want to eat french fries with tons of ketchup. I still want to eat powdered doughnuts on the beach and boiled peanuts at a Carolina Gamecock football game... I still want to buy cute black and garnet outfits every fall. I still pour over the pages of In Style magazine as if it were fine literature. I still love flowers - in all colors and shapes. I still feel nostalgic whenever I see pink roses. I still want to twirl and twirl when I put on a full skirt. I still have the desire to run and run until it I reach the point where I don't have to struggle - and then keep running just because it feels so good... I still love crickets and cicadas and moonlight and frogs and whippoorwills and Orion's belt...I still like to have my picture taken - and then hate the finished product once it is developed... I still have issues with wearing sunscreen... I still think that bubble baths should have lots and lots of bubbles - and lots of chocolate and classical music and In Style magazine and fruit juice in pretty glasses... I still think that the South was justified in its attempt to produce a new nation... I still dream of how wonderful it would be to own a beach house... I still desire to be thought of as charming in the old-fashioned sense...

And, yes, by goodness, I am still the old-fashioned, eccentric (though Hubby insists that I am just weird because I am not old enough or rich enough to be eccentric) girl who insists upon putting family first and personal agenda second (though I may die of having too little sleep) and who will die still having the same weird mix of little girl ideas and staunchly stubborn principles befitting a granny... But, now, I have a sweet little boy and a wonderful Hubby who have to put up with me...

God answers prayer.

I am sooooo tired. Granted - Hubby helps out when he is at home. But, there are only so many things that Hubby can do for Peanut. He can't feed him. And this must be done every odd hour on the hour - per Peanut. So this leaves me only getting two hours of sleep at a time. Not that I am complaining...I love my little boy more than life itself and would do anything humanly possible to make him happy. I am so greatful that I get the opportunity to stay at home with him. He makes me so happy. But, I am only human. Somehow, God has given me the grace to wake up and have the ability to take care of him. But that doesn't mean that it is easy.

Today, Peanut and I fell asleep after the last time that I fed him this morning. We slept for about 2 and 1/2 hours. (That's a long time for us to sleep all at one time...) My mom was going to come over on her lunch break to help me with him. She rang the door bell, blew the horn, called my phone about a dozen times, called Hubby who then called me about a dozen times. I slept through all of it except the last ring of the doorbell. But then I got downstairs too slowly. I was so tired. I called Hubby and my mom to let them know that everything was okay. Then I changed the baby and fed him again.

I tried to eat lunch - but the baby started crying in the middle of my sandwich. So, I picked him up and rocked him. That is one of the best feelings in the world. My little boy knows how to make all of my stress go away. I was sitting in the recliner praying and rocking my baby and singing old hymns to the baby. (See there, Hubby - I do sing to Peanut. Just not where anyone else can hear - which should be a blessing to the rest of the world...) That's when my brother just happened to stop by to see me and Peanut. Talk about answer to prayer! He held the baby - who actually went about three hours without a messy diaper or a need to be fed - while I finished lunch, made the bed, divided my laundry, and put a load of diapers and sheets in the washer.

I am not sleepy at all now. I am going to start dinner for tonight. Peanut is sleeping peacefully on the floor now. He is so cute! I just am praying that God will help me to be a good mother. I have been a little sad and worried now. I am scared that I will not be able to be the best mother possible for him. I love him so much. I just keep thinking that God gave this baby to me because He thought that I could care for him best - with God's grace, of course. So I am just realizing that I need to be constantly in prayer as I take care of my little man. (Duh!!! I really am hard-headed...) I have begun to pray when I feed my baby, when I change my baby, when I hold my baby...

If you want to see the most beautiful baby in the world...Check out the link on my Hubby's blog. (Palmettophreedumb@blogspot.com)

Hey - just to throw this out there...Does anyone remember the Lance Bass movie that came out about 5 years ago? I feel like making Hubby watch it with me. I never watched it when it was in theaters - though I planned to with some of my girlfriends at the time. Yeah, I think that I will make Hubby watch it. Just because. I love my Hubby. And my baby boy...

Happy One Week Birthday, Peanut!!!!!!

My baby is on the floor next to me - with his blue bunny slippers on. He is so cute in his bunny slippers. They make his feet look so big for his body - and when he kicks his little feet... Oh, he is adorable!!! I am trying to be better about not holding him all day. But all I want to do is hold him. The doctors have forbid me to clean for the next week - but we'll see how that goes.

You know, now that I know how sweet babies really are, I am already planning the next 10 babies I want to have. Right now, however, I will just enjoy this one.

We went to the pediatrician today. Peanut is already back at birth weight - a week early. They told me that he looks very healthy. That made me happy. And it looks as if I can continue to breast feed - without supplementing with formula. That also makes me happy. Breast feeding is a wonderful thing. It makes you feel so close to your baby.

Have I mentioned how beautiful my baby is? Let me say it - I have the most beautiful baby in the world. (I might be just a little biased, though. But he really is beautiful.)

One week ago today I was in the delivery room - waiting on my little boy to get here. I think that about this time, I was preparing to get the epidural. Maybe that was a little later - about 3 o'clock, I think. That was a scary thing. They made my mom and Hubby leave the room. I cried on the nurse's shoulder - not because it hurt so much. I cried because I was scared to death. I had been told that the epidural was going to be very painful. When they told me that they were making my husband and my mother leave because they didn't think that they could watch the procedure without fainting, that made me even more scared. Thank goodness I know what to really expect next time. Having a baby is not all that bad. In fact - I slept throughout most of the delivery. Even when I was pushing, I was so excited that I did not even really mind the pain. I think that the days after the birth were the most painful.

Okay, Peanut is crying. I am going to change his diaper - and hold him. Yes, I am going to hold him. For hours. And hours. Until Hubby comes home this evening and makes me put him down for a while...Or until Hubby holds the baby himself...

Hubby has gone on a mission to find food and diapers. (The cloth diapers are still being used - only without the rubber pants. It seems that Peanut has an allergy to the rubber pants. Therefore, swaddlers are great to have around for the night time.)

I am sitting on the floor by my brand new baby boy. And I am thinking about what I was doing this time last week. Hubby and I went to Wallie World last week, too. I was so totally freaked out. We went to look for an In Style magazine and some sparkling grape juice and some face scrub. Can you believe that Wallie World doesn't have In Style magazine?! Those commies! Hubbie bought it for me at the hospital so that I could read it while I was in labor - and I did, too.

This week - this week I have my baby boy. And he is already growing. His cry is changing - probably only to his mother's ears. His face is changing every day. I love him so much. It makes me a little sad to think that he is growing up already. But then I forget all sadness when he is in my arms. My mom and Hubby are telling me that I need to let him lie in his crib or on the floor on a blanket for at least a little while. But both he and I are happier when he is in my arms. He's going to grow up all too quickly, and I won't be able to sit and rock him. I want to rock him for as long and as much as I can...

Monday was a life-changing day.

Sixteen hours of labor + the grace of God = one precious baby boy

I knew that I loved my baby when I was carrying him in my tummy. When I held him in my arms, I realized how deeply I loved him. It is a love like no other. I feel so connected to him. He is one of the most wonderful things to ever happen to me. It was kind of crazy in the delivery room. My mom and Hubby were there. When I saw him for the first time, I can't tell you what emotions swept over me. I just remember praising God for giving me such an awesome gift. It was really awesome just to have my husband right there and to know that this was our baby boy.

Peanut made his debut at 10:53 pm. I was in my room with him in my arms by about 1:30 that night. It was so relaxing. I tried to fight the urge to sleep with him that first night. I tried to leave him in the bassinet that the nurse brought him into my room in. But when he started crying that night, the nurse came into my room. She tried to get me to let her take him into the nursery so that I could get some rest, but I could not bear to think that she would take my baby away from me so soon. So, she suggested that I hold him in my arms. And that is just where he slept. It was the most relaxing feeling ever - I can't even describe it. Now, I am spoiled. The pediatrician told me today that I should not sleep with him and that he can only stay in my room for the first month or so. I can't tell you that it will be easy for me. I love him so much. I don't think that I have ever known a peace so great as I do when he is in my arms.

He is already changing his looks. He opens his eyes more now. He has his daddy's chin and lips. Hubby thinks that he has my eyes. I think that he is the most beautiful baby I have ever seen. He has a head full of dark hair. And he has this really cute little face that he makes - one eyebrow cocked and his eyes looking at you as if he hasn't figured you out yet. Maybe I'm just partial, but he is beautiful!

I have found myself praying alot the past few days. I have so much to learn about taking care of a little one. To everyone who made some reference to the frustrations associated with getting only two hours of sleep at a time - I don't know what you are talking about. I have found the past few days to be alot of different things - but being aggravated to take care of my little boy is definitely not on the list. I love taking care of him. I love being a mother. It is difficult - just because I want to be the best mother possible. I want him to love me as much as I love my mother. I want him to see me as a refuge of security and love and affirmation... My mom left some pretty big footsteps for me to follow in. I have been praying that God will help me. I can't do this without Him. I find myself saying the blessing everytime that I nurse him. By the way, breastfeeding is difficult but definitely worth it.

Today is the day. At 6:30am I will arrive at the hospital. Hopefully, within the span of just a few hours, my baby boy will be born.

I should be asleep right now. However, due to extraneous circumstances, I am not. I pray that God will give me energy tomorrow like I have never known. I am so tired now - and have been since this afternoon - that I think I am going to die.

I have to remember the outcome of what I am going to go through tomorrow. Honestly, I do not deal well with pain. I don't like pain. I don't want to feel pain. I am going to feel pain. But - I am going to get my little baby boy. Pray for me.

And I guess that's how I'll end this one - PRAY FOR ME. I need it. Please.

I must post an update. I went back to the salon. The two ladies who own the salon are extremely nice, courteous, and sympathetic. They righted the problem as best as they could. While it is definitely not the hair cut that I would have chosen, it now appears to be in some sort of decent style. (Despite the clump of short layers on one side of my head.) They apologized and were very helpful. They also refunded me my money. I have made an appointment to go back to the salon for my next haircut.

I went to the doctor. Things are getting really close! The doctor says that if I have not had the baby by Monday, I am going to be induced Monday at 6:30am. Say a prayer.

Okay, Hubby is home and dinner is ready...

Watch Out!!!!

Is it wrong for me to want to rip a dog's throat out, shoot BBs up its butt, and skin it with a machete? I hate my neighbor's dog. I don't think that I like dogs quite as much as I used to believe that I did. The stupid mutt has barked all day long - without ceasing. I want it dead - or at least quiet. It is the appropriate dog for my neighbors, I guess. They are just as loud as the dog - all 10 families who live in that one single-family dwelling. There are days when I would like to counter their hip-hop music with a very loud Strauss waltz. My other neighbor has tried techno music. They don't seem to notice. Any other suggestions?

I can't wear my wedding rings. My fingers are too swollen. I can't even get the ring past my knuckle to put it on. Isn't that awful?

How do you like the two a day blog? I am feeling cranky and yucky today. That means that I don't want to do anything. Blogging provides a nice outlet to vent my frustration.

That stupid dog is really trying my nerves. It has the most awful, pearcing yelp that I have ever heard. I hate that stupid mound of hair and stupidity.

Hubby will be home soon. If the salon owner does not return my phone call within the next 30 minutes, I will call back. They will wish that I had never went to that salon at all. I have never been so determined to be so aggravating.

Did you hear about Paris Hilton and LiLo's dance off? I just wish that I could have seen two drunk celebrity girls (more aggravating than two drunk sorority girls....) dancing for hours to compete with each other. Okay, maybe I'm glad that I missed that...

Lately Terri Hatcher's fashion sense has been a little off. Did you see the silk dress ensemble paired with the clunky, embroidered boots? Or how about the black and white floral dress (cute in and of itself) with the black and white patterned pumps? Talk about mixing patterns... It was way too busy. Come on, Terri! What's wrong with ya?!

Can you believe that I don't even feel like laying out in the sun? That's pretty bad. I want desparately to clean my house - but I don't even feel like cleaning. The only things that I feel like doing are 1)being difficult, 2)dying, 3)having this baby finally, 4)or whining on my blog. Looks like the last one is the only one that I will do today - maybe.

I hate that dog. Hubby said that if I were to shoot BBs at it from my upstairs window that would be "trespass to chattel." What does that mean?! Frankly, my dear, I don't give a curse word. At least I would derive some satisfaction out of something. I am a pretty good shot, too. I would aim right up the dog's butt hole. That would give it something to bark about.

I AM MISERABLE!!!!!!!! Isn't this enough, already? With my present physical condition, hair cut, and mental state - do I really need a stupid, mangy, stinky mound of flesh and crap yelping outside of my window? If I can hear it, why can't my neighbors? They are probably sitting in their nasty house - passed out drunk. I really greatly dislike my neighbors. And their radio. And their dog. I wish that they would crawl back into the hole from which they came. And stay there. I usually like to imagine that all dogs will go to heaven. I think the dog next door will be in limbo. I can't see something that aggravating being in paradise, and I am sure that even Satan himself would not want it in hell. It would be a good punishment for all eternity - to listen to that danged dog bark constantly...

I should know that people who cannot articulate a sentence correctly in their own native tongue are also not capable of providing any service in a satisfactory manner. I hope that Tonya is having just as horrible of a day as I am. I hope that I get to add to her bad day today. I feel mean and ornery. Don't get in my way today, baby!

Is the Sun Shining?

Today is going to be a weird day. I feel weird. I look like a dude with a beer gut - and a really bad haircut - who is an actor for Star Trek - still in his alien costume. My eyebrows itch. They have these big, red, blotchy bumps all over them - and all around them. My hair will not stay out of my eyes. It is now too short for me to pull back - even with all of the bobbie pins in the world. I want to hit something.

I woke up early this morning. After laying in bed, trying not to vomit, I decided that I should make Hubby some breakfast. So, I - being the wonderful wife that I am - made poppy seed muffin bread and coffee for him. I tried to eat some of it, but just ended up feeling nauseated. Pregnancy is weird like that. I have never before been able to feel both hunger and nausea at the same time. Lately, things have been weird with me feeling tired and very energetic at the same time. I know that it doesn't make sense. I don't understand it. I would love to sleep, but I can't. I can't sleep at night. I can't sleep during the day. Sometimes I can nap in the afternoon - something I have never before been able to do. Things are just weird.

The doc talked to me about inducing me. I could either be induced on the 19th or the 30th. I would much rather be induced on the 19th. But, I am scared. Yeah, I'll admit it. I thought that I was over being scared, and I think that if things would just go naturally, I wouldn't be really scared. But thinking about Monday makes me want to run and hide behind my mother's skirt. I just keep praying that everything will be all right. I have had a very healthy, good pregnancy. I just hope that my delivery follows suit.

My hormones are really taking me for a ride lately. I feel angry, depressed, elated, and sad all at the same time sometimes and for no apparent reason. I hate this. I just want to feel normal. Thank heavens for Hubby, my parents, and good friends who help keep me sane - or somewhat sane.

I have decided to call the salon that I went to yesterday. I am going to try to talk to the owner. Talking to Tonya will do no good. I am really upset, though. (Can't you tell?) If my hair is "fixed," it will be even shorter. I don't think that I will ever have long hair again. Everytime that I go for a haircut, I always let it be known that I am trying to grow my hair out. They always take inches off of the length of the hair - no matter who cuts it. Why? I think that it is a conspiracy to get me. To make me go crazy.

I do have a doctor appointment this afternoon. That is a good thing. I always look forward to those - but then leave and think that I was still not told what I wanted to hear. What I want to hear is "Wow. That baby will be born tonight. And you will feel no pain. And he will be a perfect angel." The only true part is the part about him being an angel. I just can't wait to sit and rock him. I love the way babies smell. I love the faces that babies make. I love little baby hands and little baby feet. I don't think that I am going to be okay until I get to hold him.

Bad Hair Cuts

I cannot sleep. I feel dangerously violent. I received the worst haircut of my life - and I was charged $50 for it. DO NOT EVER GO TO TONYA AT SALON ON MAIN IN LEXINGTON for a hair appointment or an eyebrow wax.

The first words that I said upon sitting down in the chair were, "I am trying to let my hair grow out." That must have translated, "Please cut my hair above my ears. I want to look butch in the pictures that are taken of me bringing my baby home from the hospital. Oh, yeah, could you make it uneven, too?"

The poor girl even tried to prepare me for the pain that I will feel in childbirth by giving me a heaping dose of pain during my eyebrow wax. I have had my eyebrows waxed at several different salons. Never in my life had I experienced such pain. She applied globs of wax with no particular thought behind the shape of my eyebrows. She then pulled as slowly as she possibly could. This resulted in my eyebrows, and portions of my forehead, becoming swollen and red and bumpy.

When I discovered that one side of my hair was at least an inch and a half longer than the other side, I promptly went back to the salon. The girl at the desk and several other hair stylists gave me looks of pity when they heard the name of the person who cut my hair. I was directed back to Tonya's chair, where she was cutting someone else's hair. She wanted to cut my hair dry - mind you I had paid for a wet cut because my hair is so thick and curly - while I stood up. ( Her idea of a cut and style was merely blow-drying it at the end. No styling products. No time spent straightening it. But lots of money charged for the service, which she charged me for gladly and suggested that I pay her for, but asked me after the shampoo if I really wanted it dried.) The lady in the chair voluntarily stood up so that I could sit down. When it became apparent that Tonya could not correct her mistake, she became rude. I did not appreciate this attitude, especially since I had remained very polite during this whole experience. I left before I forgot that a lady never raises her voice or her fists in public.

So, tonight, I am left with hair so short that I cannot straighten it. (Oh, yeah, little miss bright-brain insisted that layers could make my hair lay straighter. I was an idiot for trusting her opinion.) My eyebrows feel like they are fixing to burn their way into my skull - and they itch like crazy. And I am just praying that the Lord will ease the storm raging in my soul tonight.
So, just to warn you, TONYA at Salon on Main in Lexington (808-4247) is the most inept hair stylist possible. I would not allow her to cut Bella's hair - much less come any where near my hair again. I only wish that there was a more public way that I could let her lack of skill in her chosen profession be known.

Why do people count sheep instead of poodles....

I keep hoping that tonight will be the night that my baby is born. I really, really want to hold him. Nine months is a really, really long time to wait!

I made large strides in organizing our study today - at least I thought so. I kind of quit thinking so when I looked at the room tonight on my way up to bed. I hate keeping papers around.

I think that if I were a puppy, I would be a poodle. I like poodles. My hair is curly - kind of like a poodles. I wish that I had a poodle...

Hubby and I set up the pack-and-play in the bedroom today. We are all ready. I want my baby! I am praying that he will be born soon. The doctor is going to induce me. I really trust my doctor - I have to or this will be really difficult. I talked to him about some concerns that I had, and he was very reassuring to me. But, I really think that I would be less anxious if I could just go into labor naturally. So, I am praying that I will just go into labor naturally.

I bought a new comforter set for my bed. This is just another example of how God provides - I went to the store with a ridiculously low budget in mind. I wanted a set of comforter, dust ruffle, and pillow shams all for a price that I had not previously been able to find a comforter alone for at Wallie World. So, as I went into the door, I said a little prayer that if God wanted me to have this, He would send it at the right price. I found the set exactly like I had in mind for $5 under budget. Isn't that awesome? It just amazes me that God provides little things like that! He is so generous and merciful! What an awesome God we serve!!! The set is really pretty - at least I think. It is not pink, so I thought that I could get away with it being a little more feminine. It is white and really lacy. The comforter is so fluffy that it feels as if I am sleeping under a cloud.

Have I gotten boring? (Or more boring, I should ask...) Reading over recent blogs, I just think that maybe I have gotten as dull as dish water. I think that my impatience is manifesting itself in an obsession of sorts over the birth of my baby. Therefore, that is the only thing that I can think about. So, the only thing that I really blog about is the birth of my baby boy. Come to think of it, that is the only thing that I talk about. I know that people have to be tired of hearing about it. Just be patient (something I cannot do). Maybe after he is born, I will be able to talk about other things. Maybe...

I love Lisa's nightgowns on Green Acres. Why don't stores sell those pretty slippers that have a heel and fur on the toes? I wish that I had a pair. I would wear them every night. I love wearing pretty pajamas. I like having matching pajamas and house coats.

I like gardenias. I wish that I had one to wear in my hair...

I saw the most bizarre thing tonight. Not having had much experience with roaches - except the two apartments that I lived in - I did not know that they could "glow" in the moonlight. So, tonight Hubby and I were outside watering our flower beds when we noticed these weird little bugs "glowing" all over our front lawn. It really freaked me out. Hubby went inside and found a light so that he could see what they were. They turned out to be cockroaches. I was so glad that I did not leave the porch. I detest bugs!!!! I swear that if I see one in the house I will freak out - for real!!!!! I just felt dirty after seeing them tonight. I am going to have to kill them...

I just took a shower. My hair is drying now - and it's gone biserk. It always turns frizzy curly when I let it dry by itself.

I found the coolest verse in Joel tonight. It said to render your hearts - not your clothing. I can't remember the chapter and verse. But, isn't that cool? It's just another reminder to me that God doesn't just want me to go through the motions of following Him - He wants me to really, really follow Him with all that I am worth. My prayer lately is that He will continue to work on my heart - to bring me closer and closer with Him. It's been so hard lately - pray for me. Things are so crazy. Yet, I think that I need to know Him in a closer more awesome way than I ever have before. I have one of the most awesome responsibilities that I will ever be given fixing to land straight on my shoulders. I am completely dependent on God. There is no way that I can be a good parent without Him.

I would love a selfish day - but who wouldn't? Here would be my selfish day: I would wake up at about 8am (that is a perfect time to wake up). I would have coffee with my Hubby and eat tomatoes and grits for breakfast. Then, I would shower and dress up in a pretty dress. (Do you know how hard it is to not be able to wear a dress for 7 months? I feel like a boy.) I would spend an hour on my hair alone. My jewelry would be unique and my makeup would be perfect. Hubby and I would go shopping for the house. We would buy new furniture and linens. (I would love some 750 thread count sheets.) Then, we would go to lunch at some casually chic place where I could eat empanadas and drink iced coffee. After lunch, we would go see my mommy and daddy. They would help us groom our (or Peanut's) poodle. I would also use my mother's artistic taste to help me decorate my house with my new things. Then Hubby and I would go for a run while my parents would watch Peanut. After that, we would get ready and go out for a dance lesson and dinner with friends. I would go pick up my little boy - who would already be dressed in his pjs. He would snuggle sleepily into Hubby's arms as we would carry him in. I would kiss his little face and tuck him into bed. He would have already said his prayers with my parents. But there would be a big thunder storm that night. So, Peanut would wake up calling for his mommy. Hubby would go into his room and scoop him up and put him in bed between us. We three would cuddle and go to sleep together. But, I would go to sleep last as I watched him and his daddy sleep peacefully. And I would say a prayer right there - thanking God for His blessings. You see - despite my material girl side, I know that no number of dresses, or furniture, or jewelry, or perfect hair days could compare to the priceless treasures that God gives us in our lives. I feel like the richest, happiest girl in the world when I think about the gifts that God has given me - a wonderful Hubby, a sweet baby boy on the way, the best parents, and true friends, plus so much more...

Today was a very fun day. Hubby and I went out shopping. When I woke up this morning, I immediately knew that I wanted to finish decorating my dining room today. So, that is what Hubby and I attempted to do. It looks so pretty! I also hung up the curtains in the baby's nursery along with some shelves. Things are really coming together. Next, I will organize the study.

I think that I am nesting. I suddenly have alot of energy. Today I wasn't feeling so well - but yesterday and the day before yesterday... Wow! I haven't felt that good in a long time. I have been cleaning alot. I woke up at 2:30 am last night and wanted to clean the house. I did not want to wake up my Hubby, however. Therefore, I curbed my desire to clean.

I am really ready for my baby to get here. Every night I feel a little depressed. It just gets me down to think that it has been another day and still no baby. I'm sure that it doesn't make sense to most people, but I think that any woman who has gone through this should know what I'm talking about. This waiting is the hard part.

I am really trying hard to not go clean something...

A little girl in a store today told me that I had a big tummy. She asked me if she could touch it. She was absolutely adorable!

Alot of people told me that I have a big tummy today. Every place that I went today, there was at least one person there who commented on the fact that I looked as if I were on my way to the hospital. I wish! The baby has "dropped", so my already huge stomach looks even bigger. It's a good thing, though.

My mom got me a dress to wear home from the hospital for my birthday. It is the first non-maternity thing - well, no, that's not true... I did buy some non-maternity jeans to wear while I was pregnant. But this is the first thing that I have bought that I have thought about trying to wear without the pregnant belly. Trouble is - I don't know how big my belly will be after I have the baby. The doc says that I will be back in my pre-pregnancy jeans within 6 weeks. We'll see...The dress is really pretty though, it is brown and sort of loose... I like it alot. I still have to wash it in Dreft so that I can pack it.

I really feel lazy right now. I feel as if I should be cleaning something...

All right...That's enough blogging until tomorrow...

Yuppies and Yankees and Minivans - Oh MY!!!!

Okay - so I couldn't find anything to pity myself for. I just want my baby now - that's all. Instead, I talked to my parents. Then, I realized that I really don't want to go downtown with the yuppies - not that my parents are yuppies. (They are not. It's just all these danged Yankee yuppies that are invading the land. Or the weirdos who have been contaminated by the yuppie culture phenomenon.) I tried desparately to get my hair cut today. No good. Then I went through a batch of nausea - flashbacks to early pregnancy that, I am told by my grandmother (a baby expert) are normal at the end. Now, I am blogging and I will go to the gym and read on the treadmill. By the way folks, if you can read, you ain't really working out. But at least it makes me feel better. I will probably end up blogging again this evening. I want to inflict punishment on my readers with my cheesy stories of poodles and mayhem. Just remember - you've been warned.

It's dreary outside. I am waiting for my parents to give me a call. I am supposed to go to Lowe's with them to pick up a few more things for the nursery. I still need some shelves, a board with pegs like you would hang coats on, white picture frames, and ribbon...The nursery is looking sooooo cute! We finally decided on a Nautica sailboat mobile yesterday. So, it's sailboats and puppies in the nursery. I really like the color scheme, too. The walls are a delicate blue. The dust ruffle and bumper pad is dark navy. The crib is white. We put a white table clothe over a desk and I am going to tailor that with navy bows for the changing table. Yeah, it's coming together.

I feel "blah" today. I want to go shopping, go workout (if you call walking on the treadmill at only a 4% incline for 40 minutes "working out"), and come home and clean. My birthday is this Thursday. I will be 25. I don't know why I feel a little sad today. I sort of feel a pity party coming on. Therefore, I will sing loudly to ward it off. But not now - my parents are calling me. Besides, Hubby is still asleep...

Baby Makes Three....Soon?

My cube steak is in the oven. My brother is napping on my couch. My mashed potatoes are on their way to being finished. My hubby is studying upstairs. My left-over veggies from last night will soon be devoured. And my nursery is ready for Peanut. All's right with the world.

Except maybe one little thing... I want my baby NOW! It's kind of funny. Just earlier today, I was thinking that I kind of like being pregnant. I like the way my baby bump looks. Really. I like how practical my body seems now. I like feeling the little critter move inside of me. I like knowing that he's just right there - and that I love him and have bonded with him in a way no one else can. I like that. Then there was the "false alarm" of this afternoon. I didn't really think that it was anything, but Hubby and Mom made me call the doc just in case. Then there was the excitement of waiting for him to call me back. When I described what was going on, he just told me that it was normal - that my body was getting ready to have the baby sometime really soon - and that I should have a good weekend. The end. Disappointing...It made me feel a little sad. I am so ready. We got the crib, pack-and-play, and some other necesities today. Everything is ready for him. I just want him to get here. Before, I knew that I had to wait so that he would be healthy. Now, I know that he's full term, fully developed, and fit as a fiddle. I want him here NOW! I have never felt such impatience. And I am not usually a patient person. This is unnerving.

I was just thinking about how I should be feeling this feeling about some other things - maybe. I think that it was Paul who said that the whole of creation is groaning as a woman about to give birth to a child in anticipation of the return of Christ. I wonder if the "groaning" could have meant this feeling of intense, obsessive anticipation. Something to think about...I really need to look up that Scripture...

The Poodle Capers...

The day was hot. Really, really hot. Dust clouds floated over the dry, winding road. Chavez, my fierce attack poodle, was lounging in the front seat of my black, 1977 souped-up camaro. We were on a top secret mission.

Chavez wriggled in his seat. He straightened up to reveal the full sitting height of his 6 pound frame. I knew that he was telling me something. He had to pee - really badly. There was only one logical thing to do. I pulled the car over at a little gas station and attached the leash to his black, spiked collar. After Chavez had taken care of his business, I decided to go inside the gas station. I really needed a sugar fix.

I slowly meandered the aisles. Wow - decisions, decisions... Sugar daddies, gummi bears, sour patch kids, and snicker bars... They all looked delicious. It would just be too insensitive to get something that I could not share with my faithful bodyguard. So, I bypassed all of the chocolate. As I grabbed some gummy bears and walked back to the cooler of drinks in the back, I happened to sight two men that I was sure that I had seen before. I decided to play it cool. Still walking to the back, I let my long, curly hair cover my face. One of the perks of wearing tight, camoflage pants in this neck of the woods - redneck boys would never even notice my face...

"What do you think she'd eat? She wouldn't even touch that kibble and bits we tried to give her. Boss don't want her if she air too skinny..." I heard one of the buffoons babble. My pulse began to rise.

"I ain't never seen a more persnickety dog. Dadblamed it. We still got 'bout fifty more miles with that mutt." The other man whined. I took note of his stringy mullet and acid-wash blue jeans.

Oh, crap. Before I knew it, they were behind me in line. "Well, hi there, sugar. You doin' okay today?" One of them was talking to me. I wheeled around. They had no idea who I was. I decided to use this to my advantage.

"I'm doin' just fine," I said - smiling pretty. Thank goodness that high school drama club had some use. "Oh, but - y'all don't happen to know where O------ is? Do you? I simply can't seem to find it on the map. I guess that's what I get for being born female...I can't read a map at all." I remembered to flip my hair at just the right time. Oh, brother. I was even making myself sick.

"You goin' there? So's we. Why don't you jest follow us. We'll even buy you a rootbeer tonight at Bertha's." His grin revealed green, grimy teeth.

"Yeah" chimed in the second goober. "And I'll buy you a couple rootbeers - and a chilidog."

I tried to hide my disgust. "Oh, that'd be wonderful!" Little did they know that they were making it really easy for me to do my job. I could not let their car get out of my sight. And it would be even better if they would take me back to their boss. Unsuspecting fools!

Soon, we were on the road behind them. Their old, rickety pick-up truck spouted out exhaust fumes at an alarming rate. I knew now that my distrust in white pick-up trucks was completely acceptable. Occasionally they would turn around and wave at me. If it were not for the cargo in the back of the truck! The small dog-carrier tied down with pulleys nearly broke my heart! From behind the bars peered the small, fragile, genteel face of Madame Fifi, IV. Her small dark eyes looked over her long, poodle nose. It nearly broke my heart. Her tea-cup size and gentle nature was no match for a pair of country bumpkin roughnecks. They would never know how to treat a noble lady.

It wasn't long until we started pulling down a long, tree-lined driveway. These fellows were really, really dumb...They had taken me right to their boss. They stopped right before the house was in view. "Sugar, you goin' have to stay right chere. We gotta take this mutt back to her - uh, owner."

"Fine. Why don't you let me do that!" I opened my door suddenly, hitting one of the goons in the gut. He doubled over. "Now, Chavez!" Chavez was the fiercest attack dog this side of the Mississippi. He jumped out of the car and started biting the other thug's ankles. I hit both dummies in the head with the nine-iron that was in my golf bag in the back seat. Then, I extricated Madame Fifi, IV, from her prison. She jumped into my arms. I put her on a purple silk pillow in the back of the car. Chavez would look after her.

"Boys, looks like y'all are going to be all tied up this afternoon." I tied both of them up with their own bungee cords. "Remember, crime doesn't pay. And you should really learn to treat a lady right." Poor Madame Fifi, IV!

Later that day, I returned Madame Fifi to her owner. I was happy to see that a scented bubble bath and a pedicure was waiting for her. She was the delicate type.

Chavez and I drove off into the sunset. It was just another day in the life of a secret agent...