Is the Sun Shining?

Today is going to be a weird day. I feel weird. I look like a dude with a beer gut - and a really bad haircut - who is an actor for Star Trek - still in his alien costume. My eyebrows itch. They have these big, red, blotchy bumps all over them - and all around them. My hair will not stay out of my eyes. It is now too short for me to pull back - even with all of the bobbie pins in the world. I want to hit something.

I woke up early this morning. After laying in bed, trying not to vomit, I decided that I should make Hubby some breakfast. So, I - being the wonderful wife that I am - made poppy seed muffin bread and coffee for him. I tried to eat some of it, but just ended up feeling nauseated. Pregnancy is weird like that. I have never before been able to feel both hunger and nausea at the same time. Lately, things have been weird with me feeling tired and very energetic at the same time. I know that it doesn't make sense. I don't understand it. I would love to sleep, but I can't. I can't sleep at night. I can't sleep during the day. Sometimes I can nap in the afternoon - something I have never before been able to do. Things are just weird.

The doc talked to me about inducing me. I could either be induced on the 19th or the 30th. I would much rather be induced on the 19th. But, I am scared. Yeah, I'll admit it. I thought that I was over being scared, and I think that if things would just go naturally, I wouldn't be really scared. But thinking about Monday makes me want to run and hide behind my mother's skirt. I just keep praying that everything will be all right. I have had a very healthy, good pregnancy. I just hope that my delivery follows suit.

My hormones are really taking me for a ride lately. I feel angry, depressed, elated, and sad all at the same time sometimes and for no apparent reason. I hate this. I just want to feel normal. Thank heavens for Hubby, my parents, and good friends who help keep me sane - or somewhat sane.

I have decided to call the salon that I went to yesterday. I am going to try to talk to the owner. Talking to Tonya will do no good. I am really upset, though. (Can't you tell?) If my hair is "fixed," it will be even shorter. I don't think that I will ever have long hair again. Everytime that I go for a haircut, I always let it be known that I am trying to grow my hair out. They always take inches off of the length of the hair - no matter who cuts it. Why? I think that it is a conspiracy to get me. To make me go crazy.

I do have a doctor appointment this afternoon. That is a good thing. I always look forward to those - but then leave and think that I was still not told what I wanted to hear. What I want to hear is "Wow. That baby will be born tonight. And you will feel no pain. And he will be a perfect angel." The only true part is the part about him being an angel. I just can't wait to sit and rock him. I love the way babies smell. I love the faces that babies make. I love little baby hands and little baby feet. I don't think that I am going to be okay until I get to hold him.