Monday was a life-changing day.

Sixteen hours of labor + the grace of God = one precious baby boy

I knew that I loved my baby when I was carrying him in my tummy. When I held him in my arms, I realized how deeply I loved him. It is a love like no other. I feel so connected to him. He is one of the most wonderful things to ever happen to me. It was kind of crazy in the delivery room. My mom and Hubby were there. When I saw him for the first time, I can't tell you what emotions swept over me. I just remember praising God for giving me such an awesome gift. It was really awesome just to have my husband right there and to know that this was our baby boy.

Peanut made his debut at 10:53 pm. I was in my room with him in my arms by about 1:30 that night. It was so relaxing. I tried to fight the urge to sleep with him that first night. I tried to leave him in the bassinet that the nurse brought him into my room in. But when he started crying that night, the nurse came into my room. She tried to get me to let her take him into the nursery so that I could get some rest, but I could not bear to think that she would take my baby away from me so soon. So, she suggested that I hold him in my arms. And that is just where he slept. It was the most relaxing feeling ever - I can't even describe it. Now, I am spoiled. The pediatrician told me today that I should not sleep with him and that he can only stay in my room for the first month or so. I can't tell you that it will be easy for me. I love him so much. I don't think that I have ever known a peace so great as I do when he is in my arms.

He is already changing his looks. He opens his eyes more now. He has his daddy's chin and lips. Hubby thinks that he has my eyes. I think that he is the most beautiful baby I have ever seen. He has a head full of dark hair. And he has this really cute little face that he makes - one eyebrow cocked and his eyes looking at you as if he hasn't figured you out yet. Maybe I'm just partial, but he is beautiful!

I have found myself praying alot the past few days. I have so much to learn about taking care of a little one. To everyone who made some reference to the frustrations associated with getting only two hours of sleep at a time - I don't know what you are talking about. I have found the past few days to be alot of different things - but being aggravated to take care of my little boy is definitely not on the list. I love taking care of him. I love being a mother. It is difficult - just because I want to be the best mother possible. I want him to love me as much as I love my mother. I want him to see me as a refuge of security and love and affirmation... My mom left some pretty big footsteps for me to follow in. I have been praying that God will help me. I can't do this without Him. I find myself saying the blessing everytime that I nurse him. By the way, breastfeeding is difficult but definitely worth it.