Watch Out!!!!

Is it wrong for me to want to rip a dog's throat out, shoot BBs up its butt, and skin it with a machete? I hate my neighbor's dog. I don't think that I like dogs quite as much as I used to believe that I did. The stupid mutt has barked all day long - without ceasing. I want it dead - or at least quiet. It is the appropriate dog for my neighbors, I guess. They are just as loud as the dog - all 10 families who live in that one single-family dwelling. There are days when I would like to counter their hip-hop music with a very loud Strauss waltz. My other neighbor has tried techno music. They don't seem to notice. Any other suggestions?

I can't wear my wedding rings. My fingers are too swollen. I can't even get the ring past my knuckle to put it on. Isn't that awful?

How do you like the two a day blog? I am feeling cranky and yucky today. That means that I don't want to do anything. Blogging provides a nice outlet to vent my frustration.

That stupid dog is really trying my nerves. It has the most awful, pearcing yelp that I have ever heard. I hate that stupid mound of hair and stupidity.

Hubby will be home soon. If the salon owner does not return my phone call within the next 30 minutes, I will call back. They will wish that I had never went to that salon at all. I have never been so determined to be so aggravating.

Did you hear about Paris Hilton and LiLo's dance off? I just wish that I could have seen two drunk celebrity girls (more aggravating than two drunk sorority girls....) dancing for hours to compete with each other. Okay, maybe I'm glad that I missed that...

Lately Terri Hatcher's fashion sense has been a little off. Did you see the silk dress ensemble paired with the clunky, embroidered boots? Or how about the black and white floral dress (cute in and of itself) with the black and white patterned pumps? Talk about mixing patterns... It was way too busy. Come on, Terri! What's wrong with ya?!

Can you believe that I don't even feel like laying out in the sun? That's pretty bad. I want desparately to clean my house - but I don't even feel like cleaning. The only things that I feel like doing are 1)being difficult, 2)dying, 3)having this baby finally, 4)or whining on my blog. Looks like the last one is the only one that I will do today - maybe.

I hate that dog. Hubby said that if I were to shoot BBs at it from my upstairs window that would be "trespass to chattel." What does that mean?! Frankly, my dear, I don't give a curse word. At least I would derive some satisfaction out of something. I am a pretty good shot, too. I would aim right up the dog's butt hole. That would give it something to bark about.

I AM MISERABLE!!!!!!!! Isn't this enough, already? With my present physical condition, hair cut, and mental state - do I really need a stupid, mangy, stinky mound of flesh and crap yelping outside of my window? If I can hear it, why can't my neighbors? They are probably sitting in their nasty house - passed out drunk. I really greatly dislike my neighbors. And their radio. And their dog. I wish that they would crawl back into the hole from which they came. And stay there. I usually like to imagine that all dogs will go to heaven. I think the dog next door will be in limbo. I can't see something that aggravating being in paradise, and I am sure that even Satan himself would not want it in hell. It would be a good punishment for all eternity - to listen to that danged dog bark constantly...

I should know that people who cannot articulate a sentence correctly in their own native tongue are also not capable of providing any service in a satisfactory manner. I hope that Tonya is having just as horrible of a day as I am. I hope that I get to add to her bad day today. I feel mean and ornery. Don't get in my way today, baby!